buying a new home. wife and i fighting. nf

[bigugli]

Also have to take into account that some wives are never totally happy. We are about to make our 4th move in 26 years. The bride has had pet peeves about every home {and every vehicle} we have had. Even when she has had the final say. I'm sure I will get the same routine 2 months from now LOL

[Headhunter]

 

Also have to take into account that some wives are never totally happy. We are about to make our 4th move in 26 years. The bride has had pet peeves about every home {and every vehicle} we have had. Even when she has had the final say. I'm sure I will get the same routine 2 months from now LOL

I remember back in high school, they would separate the boys from the girls for "sex ed". I have come to believe over time that there was far less sex ed going on and what I suspect was really simply female teachers showing the girls the real way of the world and how to get what you want. You fill in the blanks!

That's my theory and I'm stickin with it! LOL

HH

[Dara]

4 years ago wife and I decided to move...there were things we both wanted in a house,lot, whatever.

 

Found a lot, went to the builder, designed our house, got a price and had them build it.

 

As they were building I built my garage out back...sweet deal if you can talk the builder into it.

 

Anyway, house got built and there is plenty left for me to work on and increase value.

Landscaping, finish basement...tons of stuff that doesn't make her feel like she is in a construction zone.

 

Right now, builders in sault want to build and are offering decent prices.

 

eithr way, you get what you pay for.

 

If you get a fixer, you spend all your spare money on it, and your time.

 

Interest rates are super low right now and you can add lots of value to a new house pretty cheaply.

 

PM me if you want more details and thoughts

 

I was also there every day watching them build it and when I didn't like something, I told them and they fixed it.

Edited February 7, 2014 by Dara

[captpierre]

You may be a renovator but you best also be a divorce lawyer, I'd say.

[pike slayer]

thanks for the replies guys much appreciated.ya... i think i will just have some idea "accident" happen and take the insurance money and take an early retirement fishing out my days lol. I'm going to stroke out the idea of a new house. Its out of our price range, we are looking at around $150,000 house. The problem is that the carpenters house is always the last one to be finished! When i get home from work the last thing i want to be doing is what i was doing all day lol. We've been in our place 4 years and theres a few unfinished projects. I get it "liveable" and let it sit for a while. Then you add side jobs in there and fishing and what not and it really makes it tough to finish things. Before we list the house i need to get a few things done. i got random trim and touch up paint in pretty every room haha! I still dont like the idea of a flipped house though.
As for why we are moving into town and not raising a family out in the country is because my place is only 1000sqft with no basement. With the by-laws in place i can't add onto my house and its not really a family style house. Also the road into my place is terrible. I got 4km of bush road that doesnt get plowed alot and is sketchy. its not a road you want to take an infant down. It is costing alot in gas going back and forth. Between working, working, fishing, etc. its hard to enjoy the lake/bush here. Its nice to get away not not nice to be away in the wilderness all the time. This is also the only rural area i've ever been where everyone is rude and are jerks. Nobody talks to us out at the lake, nobody does the neighbourly wave on the road and nobody slows down or moves over. When i bought this place i figured i could enjoy the lake and bush while i as still young and not while i was old and retired. but nobody got time for that.
I'm thinking finding a new bungalow with decent livingroom and bedrooms and in time redo the bathroom and kitchen and as for the basment maybe a partly finished one. Promise her if i start a project that i have to finish it by such and such date or there will be penalties.

[danc]

The old saying "a shoemaker wears the most worn out shoes", or something like that, has many truths. I've installed well over 1000 residential furnaces in my time, yet my own was chicken wired together to keep the old girl running. On Christmas day 3 years ago my ventor motor was vibrating so bad that it shook the whole house. Half of the blades on the squirrel cage were gone. Ouch. So I balanced it the best that I could and replaced the furnace myself between Christmas and new years day. I was working away from home at the time and if the old gal decided to calf while I was away it would have cost me 5 grand to replace. Doing it myself cost me $1300.00. Bottom line I guess is that yes, I can do that. But trying to find the time is another thing.

[Old Ironmaker]

wYou have received some good information here and some not so good. The first point I'd like to address is the notion that kids get into more trouble in the city than the country. That's just plain not true, in fact I think the opposite. I've lived in some pretty rough parts of Hamilton and have been out in the country for 14 years full time. Kids in the country are bored out of their minds. When they get into trouble it's not petty it's usually big trouble. The highest rate of teen pregnancies are in rural areas. The small little quaint town of Dunnville has the highest per capita rates of drug abuse in southern Ontario. Crack and heroin just surpassed the use of Oxycontin as it is now cheaper to buy.

 

Look at the drug and alcohol abuse amongst youth in our northern First Nation communities, can't get more rural than that.

 

Kids in the country can't see any future for themselves, if they aren't educated it is clear to them they will have to move in order to find employment. There are only 2 McDonald's in the entire county and 4 Tim Horton, they can't even get a job there or be able to afford a car to get to a job if they had one, so they break and enter, steal cars and sell them to chop shops in the area, and there are many ready to buy. They buy contraband cigarettes and make a living selling them in the city. Grow dope in the back 40 of the family farms here, harvest and go to the city to sell it an ounce at a time. Please don't believe crime is less in the sticks, it's just not true unfortunately.

 

As someone that has been married for 40 years I think I qualify to be Dr. Phil on the subject of marriage. Especially since I've been married to 3 different women and my research data isn't compromised by only one test subject. You talk about fighting, there can not be any fighting, this is a partnership, each partner has an opinion and that opinion must be respected. Why is your wife so adamant on a turn key home. Has she seen any behavior that has swayed her to an uncompromising situation. Is her father a person that didn't finish what he started? Or a previous relationship that went south because of something similar? Have you shown any behavior that tells her you will never finish a reno on time? There has to he a reason.

 

If you are as good in reno's as you say you are you will be able to clearly see if the work done before is above standard just by looking at the workmanship and materials used.

 

Happy wife, happy life. What about this as a compromise? Buy the turn key house, live in it and make it a home, big difference between a house and a home. I know money is probably tight but look to the future and put away enough money to buy a project home flip it, prove to her what you can do. You can do this with an investing partner or two. There are people out there that will fund it if you can prove you are the guy to partner with. Regardless what people say real estate flips are still doable today. The real estate market is bullish. I just ,sold my parents home in east Hamilton in January for 30K more than 5 real estate experts said was market value and 5K above asking price. My business partner and myself are shopping now for a flip. We are probably going to buy a lakefront property on Erie as our next project. There was recent sale here that went for $535.00 a square foot believe it or not. There are investors out there, you have to find them. Knock on some CPA's doors, they have investors looking to make more than a few percent in savings accounts, go to mortgage brokers that have clients looking to invest as well. You put a portfolio under your arm to show what you have done and go knock on some doors. If you don't have a record of achievements no one will invest in you so start making one today. There are many ways to do this as well of you indeed do have a history of reno's.

 

Compromise, make her happy, never fight, discuss with passion but never fight. I'm a bit worried for you. Not knowing were you are your budget of 150K won't get you a fixer upper within 150K of Toronto, it might get you a lot to build on. I looked at a grow op house the other day seized by the OPP, the bank is asking 233K as is. There is another in the same town for 189K and needs about 60K minimum, and that's not going with granite counter tops and porcelain tile. a similar place new is only 265K so that's not an option for a flip

Johnny d

Edited February 8, 2014 by Old Ironmaker

[danc]

Another thing about this entire thing is that WD proclaims himself as a master at everything. He doesn't trust anyone else's work, but assures that whatever he does will be done with expertise. The phrase "jack of all trades but master of none" rings a bell here. I don't know anyone who is a journeyman at every trade. I'd be weary too about buying the kind of property that he's talking about. Renovated by a fly by night guy.

[Bondar]

Sorry if someone went over this. But I'm closing on my first home March 3rd with my GF, we both had an idea of what we wanted, and I avoided a reno home to a well keep home, I ended up with a house that was at our high end of budget but move in /liveable. There's room to upgrade but liveable, if I had to do a full reno debating over. Paint, counter space......etc..... I'd be a bachelor and fishing the salt all winter , Dang......... I'd only flip or build my forever home if I could afford a second home I don't want to live in a construction site

Edited February 8, 2014 by Wiser

[mikeh]

if you can put aside some money for renovations, hire some people in the trades to help you on the weekends, and get the jobs on the fixer upper done in a timely fashion, she may go for it. Sounds like she doesn't like unfinished jobs in the current house and doesn't want that to happen again.

[DRIFTER_016]

thanks for the replies guys much appreciated.ya... i think i will just have some idea "accident" happen and take the insurance money and take an early retirement fishing out my days lol. I'm going to stroke out the idea of a new house. Its out of our price range, we are looking at around $150,000 house.

 

Good idea!!!

It's a good thing you don't live in Yellowknife because $150K will buy you half a trailer!!!!

[landry]

Let your wife decide. That is a no brainer. Joeys advice is the most credible IMO.

[jedimaster]

It's all about the math.

500,000 dollar house, no repairs, all done.

300,000 dollar house, 50k in repairs, half finished, 40,000 dollars for divorce lawyer, half your pay for the next 20 years, listing all your fishing stuff in the classifieds, etc...

Just suck it up, buy the one she wants and build a nice shed in the back yard.

[moxie]

It's all about the math.

500,000 dollar house, no repairs, all done.

300,000 dollar house, 50k in repairs, half finished, 40,000 dollars for divorce lawyer, half your pay for the next 20 years, listing all your fishing stuff in the classifieds, etc...

Just suck it up, buy the one she wants and build a nice shed in the back yard.

hehehehe. Spend the 40K on the lawyer now and settle that end of the deal. Buy a sleep aboard, find the marina and slip of your liking, work like a dawg till the fall approaches and float that baby down the eastern seaboard to Florida for the winter only to float her back here each spring. No renos, no real estate agents, lawyers, cut eye, denied nookie........ You get the idea.

 

Happy wife, happy life??? Where are we in this equation?? No wife, happy life!!!

 

 

 

In all sincerity though, best of luck.

Edited February 9, 2014 by moxie

[Tootsie II]

Your wife may be worried about being a victim of "the plumber's wife syndrome." That where she has had a dripping kitchen faucet for over two years that only needs a new washer and because he does it all day, he comes home and never wants to fix his own! You say that you are in the fire damage and restoration industry. Do you want to have to come home very day and worry about her pressuring you to get to a get a particular project done so that she can stop having to clean up the dust and dirt all the time from such a project. Usually that stuff gets through the whole house and into everything. Also, when you come home, are you covered in dirt and smell like you just been spit roasted over a S/P/F No. 1 grade stud fire? Then, my friend, it sounds like that for the sake of your marriage, you'd better suck it up on this one!

[SirCranksalot]

lots of interesting responses. Here's the compromise I suggest: buy a house that needs very little done on the main floor but either with an unfinshed basement(ideal) or one that's been done hal-assed(as so many are). You get to satisfy your building/puttering urges downstairs and she only needs to come down occasionally to do an inspection and tell you what a great job you're doing etc etc!!

[pike slayer]

the problem is me never finishing anything or not in a good time frame. i've come to terms that i dont have the time, energy, or the ambition to do a complete gut and redo. We will probably try and find something that has the main floor done and a basement to refnish or just the kitchen. I know enough not to take on something so big that will take years for me to complete. She cant complain to much about dust and dirt. i bring home air scrubbers and set up containments when i work. When i drywalled the livingroom and hallway i started priming and she come home and asked if i even sanded. I do 80% interior work. i do drywall, painting and finish carpentry. i have done exterior stuff like siding and windows but im no pro but could get the job done. Now i need to do a big push and get the house ready to list it.

[Old Ironmaker]

You want to do a kitchen while living in a house, are you kidding me? Women don't like, wait, no one likes washing dishes in the bathroom and using a microwave in the bedroom. If you are serious about doing a kitchen while living in the place and you know you aren't great at finishing what you started PM me I have 3 divorce lawyers I used. A kitchen? come on man.

 

2 renos never done when you have time to work on them part time, a bathroom in a place that has 1 bathroom, a kitchen in a place that only has 1 kitchen. Those are jobs you send the family to the in laws and set aside 2 weeks or more to do with pro's helping you.

 

Joey please help this kid before it's too late and he is on a legal forum looking for fair division of property advice.

[Big Cliff]

Been there, done that, would never do it again!!!!!!

 

Listen to your wife, go find something that is finished and ready to move into, both of you will be much happier in the long run. If your idea is to make some extra cash, pick up some extra jobs outside of your home, even if you only work one extra day a week you should be able to pocket an extra $400.00 to $800.00 a month which would go a long way toward buying a nicer house.

 

Take at least one day a week for yourself and go fishing or whatever turns your crank (make it part of the deal with your wife, you'll do it her way if she'll agree that you get one day a week to just do what you want to do)! Sit on the deck and drink beer, watch the game, just hang out, whatever!

 

If you do convince your wife to go your route, you will never have a single day for yourself (believe me your wife will be on your case to get it done and a day fishing won't be worth the nagging). Even if she doesn't nag, you'll always feel like you should be working at something!

 

You will always be broke (every cent you bring home will be spent on materials and fixtures and by the time you get the last project finished it will be time to start at the beginning again).

[fisherman7]

Happy wife happy life. It's a tough pill to swallow but if you can't compromise get the house she wants.

 

Just remember every house will need renos one day

 

X2! Having lived through renos for the last 10 years better to make your wife happy. If you're happy, no one cares!

[SirCranksalot]

You will always be broke (every cent you bring home will be spent on materials and fixtures and by the time you get the last project finished it will be time to start at the beginning again).

 

Not to mention the small fortune on duct tape just to keep his wife's mouth shut!!!

[mercman]

4 simple words all men MUST memorize and USE frequently when living with a woman.

 

OH

 

YA

 

RIGHT

 

SORRY.

 

If used in different combinations, they will save your marriage and life.

[lew]

 

 

If used in different combinations, they will save your marriage and life.

 

Been married 47 years, 4 months Paul, I musta found the right combination

[bigugli]

4 simple words all men MUST memorize and USE frequently when living with a woman.

 

OH

 

YA

 

RIGHT

 

SORRY.

 

If used in different combinations, they will save your marriage and life.

When I got married, the uncle ( once known as Oi Sydney!} took me aside to impart the following words of wisdom...

 

There are three things to remember for a successful marriage:

Yes Dear

No Dear

Anything you say Dear.

Armed with these three phrases, and depending on how you use them, your wife can be putty in your hands, you will avoid stress, and I have found that 2 minutes of monotonous repetition of the magic phrases will drive her nuts and have me free and clear to go fishing for as long as I need.

[Old Ironmaker]

4 simple words all men MUST memorize and USE frequently when living with a woman.

 

OH

 

YA

 

RIGHT

 

SORRY.

 

If used in different combinations, they will save your marriage and life.

 

I've been married for 36 years, 3 different woman but still 36 years. I didn't get the code right the first 2. It was Sorry, I'm right, oh ya.