Oil Change for women and men

[Billy Bob]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

 

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

 

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

 

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

 

 

 

 

Money spent:

Oil Change:$24.00

Coffee: Complementary

TOTAL: $24.00

 

 

 

 

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,anduse your debit card for $50.00.

 

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

 

3. Open a beer and drink it.

 

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

 

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

 

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

 

7. Place drain pan under engine.

 

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

 

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

 

10. Unscrew drain plug.

 

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

 

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

 

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

 

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

 

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

 

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

 

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

 

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

 

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

 

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

 

21. Drink beer.

 

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

 

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

 

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

 

25. Begin cussing fit.

 

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

 

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

 

28. Beer.

 

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

 

30. Beer.

 

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

 

32. Beer.

 

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

 

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

 

35. Beer.

 

36. Test drive truck.

 

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

 

38. truck gets impounded.

 

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

 

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

�

 

 

 

 

Money spent

 

:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2,500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1,500.00

Beer: $20.00

TOTAL: $4,145.00

 

But you know the job was done right!

:rofl2:

[fishindevil]

thats too damfunny !!! the thing is we have all had days like that for sure !! lol..lol..

[Dara]

About 25 years ago I was laid off and needed an oil change. I went to the parts store and gathered up the oil and filter, added it up and saw that I was going to save $5.00

 

I put it all back on the shelf and went to the jiffy lube drive thru...I will not do an oil change on my vehichle..I will do it on my boat, sled, ATV, but not my truck...it just ain't worth it.

 

 

But that was funny

[The Urban Fisherman]

LOL been there (except for the DUI part) But I'm here to tell you an Oil change around here is more than $24 and a case of beer is also more than $24...

 

I had my oil done a couple days ago...with taxes and the extra oil fee to fill the 5.7L engine it was 58 bucks... case of beer ranges from $30 to $50 boooo but the $58 bucks was well worth it...

[blaque]

Yep, stopped doing my own oil changes about the time i hit 30. Im actually on the verge of not washing it or cleaning the interior myself as well.......delta sonic has some pretty decent rates to have it done for you. By the pass, and get as many washes as ya want a month.

 

Its a truck......i dont need to detail it with a toothbrush like i used to do

[blaque]

LOL been there (except for the DUI part) But I'm here to tell you an Oil change around here is more than $24 and a case of beer is also more than $24...

 

I had my oil done a couple days ago...with taxes and the extra oil fee to fill the 5.7L engine it was 58 bucks... case of beer ranges from $30 to $50 boooo but the $58 bucks was well worth it...

 

I did my F-150 just 2 days ago, and with the extra oil fee PLUS a NYS inspection sticker it was 42 bucks. (NO beer was purchased)

Edited September 30, 2011 by Blaque

[Miracon]

OMG!!!!! Love it and sooooo true!

 

Just for the record...a recent WagJag was for 3 full oil changes from Midas (on Yonge St in Barrie) for $30! Awesome deal! No taxes or extra charges once you got their either. Gotta LOVE those Daily Deals!

[bdox]

My first oil change went exactly like that, minus DUI and Imprisonment. An full synthetic oil change for my truck is approaching $90. I can buy the oil and filter for $55.

[HTHM]

But you know the job was done right!

:rofl2:

No it wasn't - not one grease fitting was greased.... Or is that another case of beer and DUI?

[Billy Bob]

I stopped doing them for several years but now I'm back at it....my Tundra Truck has a skid plate that needs to be removed, plus it takes 6.6 Qts of oil....so I use Walmart SuperTech fully synthetic oil (research revealed it's Mobil 1) which costs me about $26 plus $3.99 for the filter....so I get the job done right for $30 plus those damn NYS taxes... ....I then go over to the fire hall for FREE beer...It don't get no better then that...

 

BTW when I was a youngen and had my first car I changed the oil in the street...or should I say I first flushed the oil pan out because I forgot to put the plug in.... ...it just a good thing I did it in the street because my dad would have KILLED ME.... ....also not a good idea to change oil on windy days....

 

Bob

[lew]

 

I will not do an oil change on my vehichle..I will do it on my boat, sled, ATV, but not my truck...it just ain't worth it.

 

 

Same stuff here Dara, I maintain everything myself except my truck, just too much hassle there.

 

As for the beer, the last time I drank one I think it was about $10 for a two/four

[Tybo]

Women oil change $24 plus $2000. Because some kid that doesn't give a dam put 2L too much oil in and

blew out the rear main seal.

[jedimaster]

I change mine. Takes about 15 minutes. I use ramps instead of a jack for oil changes, and if you put your oil filter on yourself and do it properly you don't need to use a screwdriver and hammer to take the filter off.

 

 

But funny none the less.

[Billy Bob]

Women oil change $24 plus $2000. Because some kid that doesn't give a dam put 2L too much oil in and

blew out the rear main seal.

 

2K for a rear main seal....no wonder mechanic's drive Mercedes....last time I did one it cost under $20.... ....but I hear Tybo...

[ricoboxing]

I change mine. Takes about 15 minutes. I use ramps instead of a jack for oil changes, and if you put your oil filter on yourself and do it properly you don't need to use a screwdriver and hammer to take the filter off.

 

 

But funny none the less.

for my pontiac vibe, there is enough clearance that i am able to crawl under the car without using the jackstands. I stockup on the oil when they go on sale (5L for $11), so all in it costs me around $17 to do.

 

Walmart charges $30 now so I prefer to do them myself.

 

For the pickup truck though, I'll just take it to the stealership.

[Skipper D]

Dam oil changes , dam those things , dam every thing , dam it i said . So i knocked the eight foot ceiling out of the garage and put in a houst and done away with those hellissh frigen jackstands , a sink to wash my hands after , a fridge for the you know what , used the debit , 5,000 bucks plus , damit !i said and they can still do it faster for me at OIL CHANGERS , the best part about all this now i can park two boats in the garage one on top of the other and the oil changes can go to........................................

Edited September 30, 2011 by Spiel
Check forum rules, carefully!

[Billy Bob]

Dam oil changes , dam those things , dam every thing , dam it i said . So i knocked the eight foot ceiling out of the garage and put in a houst and done away with those hellissh frigen jackstands , a sink to wash my hands after , a fridge for the you know what , used the debit , 5,000 bucks plus , damit !i said and they can still do it faster for me at OIL CHANGERS , the best part about all this now i can park two boats in the garage one on top of the other and the oil changes can go to........................................

 

NICE....you're starting a oil change business....maybe next time I'm up your way I will give you the pleasure of changing the oil on my Tundra...

[Skipper D]

NICE....you're starting a oil change business....maybe next time I'm up your way I will give you the pleasure of changing the oil on my Tundra...

 

 

Its likein a can i say ,

[206]

I had to laugh being A good # of those steps have apply'd for me....except the beer drinkin.

 

Funny my HUD just came up with oil change warning the other day. I'll be laying in the drive way tomorrow.

 

Just a heads up parts source has castrol jug 16.99 with free fram oil filter.

[glen]

I change my wife's oil.

 

 

Walmart had oil for $10 for 5l. Less then $20 to change.

Edited September 30, 2011 by glen

[mercman]

Ya mean i have to change the oil in my vehicules Dang, that answers a lot of questions

[Burtess]

My first oil change went exactly like that, minus DUI and Imprisonment. An full synthetic oil change for my truck is approaching $90. I can buy the oil and filter for $55.

 

This is why I do mine myself as well..... 5L Pennzoil Platinum for $25 on sale + Napa Gold filter for $10..... when the stealership charges almost $100 for dexos1 synthetic oil change on my '11 Cruze..... and are you really sure they put the full synthetic in or just the blend????

 

Burt:)

[bigbuck]

That sounds about right. But seriously, an oil change on my car is pricey cuz she takes 8 litres of oil plus the filter. I usually buy the oil and filter and then have it done when I get repairs done.

[vinnimon]

Thats way too funny and somewhat true

Its even worse and more embarrasing if your in that same trade.And neighbours coming by to chat or see what your up to splash, ouch!!!!

[Terry]

yeah went to one of those quick lube places

as I am waiting I decide to ask for the second time

 

that they were putting in the right oil

 

oh yeah like we said we always use warranty approved oil ..

 

good can you tell me which oil that is

 

wrong..that is not the oil for my diesel liberty.............not even close....

 

so I do it myself...and know it is done right

 

and don't pick up the beer on the way