What would you do??

[tapout]

Hey Everyone,

 

I am to turn 31 this coming July. I need to make a decision ASAP. The deadline is my birthday. At this age I tend to think of the consequences of my actions and decisions before I make them. Which brings me to my dilemma. As some of you know I spent a year working and travelling my way around Australia. I was 23 at the time and my original trip was supposed to be for 7 weeks only. I had gotten a decent paycheck this one particular time and after I paid what needed I decided I was going to go somewhere. I put a payment down on a ticket before even having planned anything. The more I researched visas and things, I happened on the Working Holiday Maker visa. I read up on it, liked what I saw and decided to go for it. It was an amazing year and the best of my life. A year after my return saw me making a go at working for myself. Things were going great. I was making a fair bit of money, but after about a year or so friction started to build between me and my partner and after another year the partnership ceased to exist. This saw me working for myself totally. I was very inexperienced at the time in dealing with contractors and builders etc. As a result I had a tough time and eventually went back working for someone else and is what I am doing now. Also in the time I've been back my sister had a baby and he is now 6, been living with him since he was about 3 and he looks to me almost as a father figure.

 

So this is my dilemma. I have discovered that I can go and backpack New Zealand the same way and style as I backpacked Australia. To say I got a little excited would be an understatement. My problem is this offer expires once I turn 31. I have to apply for the visa before July 2nd ( my b-day ). Once approved I have 12 months to start using the visa. I sorta feel like the door to my youth is starting to close and this could be one helluva send-off. On the otherhand, I have this strong sense of responsibility to try and make a go of working for myself again. When I think of that option I get this sense of " your gonna regret not taking the opportunity".

 

I went through a pretty rough few years ranging from personal to financial reasons. I feel like, going would rejuvenate me and I'd be in better position then to try working for myself again. On the otherhand I feel I should be using this time to try to start my business again.

 

If anyone can make any sense of what I just babbled and can offer any advice or if you have had similar situations I'd appreciate to hear from you.

 

All opinions welcome!

 

Tony.

[Sinker]

I say go for it. If I had no kids, I'd be gone too....

 

Sinker

[irishfield]

I sorta feel like the door to my youth is starting to close and this could be one helluva send-off

 

Mine closed somewhere around 19 or 20.. foot loose and fancy free has to end somewhere and I'd think by 31 is as good a place as any. While hiking around NZ would be a blast in your early 20's...30's may not be so great. I'd use the year to get on your feet, not spending more money finding yourself.

[BillM]

This is just my opinion and it might be completely off base, but here it is anyhow

 

This isn't the time to take off again and relive your early 20's. If you aren't in a stable financial position, I really don't think this is a good idea. I have also been in a more responsible mindset as of late (I turn 32 in Oct). I stopped playing with the car and spending money on it, I am more worried about investments and retirement. I think it's just a part of growing up... I don't blow money like I used to, even though I make more money then I ever have. Perhaps it's time to do the more adult thing (even though it's not as fun)

[Gerritt]

my opinion here... but you have a nephew that looks up to you and obviously adores you... family is family... and they come first in my opinion..

 

 

 

You will do what you will do... and it look like you already have pretty much made your mind up...

 

 

 

But does you nephew need a male role model? that would be my concern being an uncle myself..

 

 

G

[snag]

Go there and try to find a wife!

 

Get dual citizenship!!!!

[danc]

The way I see it, there two ways to go through life. One way is to get a career, prosper, buy a home, build up a pension, and try to find the money and time to enjoy yourself. Hopefully retire some day. The other way is to free wheel yourself and have a good time. Travel, see the world, work when you're broke, don't work when you have a few bucks, and generally have fun. I honestly don't know which is the better path. You only live once, as they say. It's a choice only you can make.

[Bernie]

The way I see it, there two ways to go through life. One way is to get a career, prosper, buy a home, build up a pension, and try to find the money and time to enjoy yourself. Hopefully retire some day. The other way is to free wheel yourself and have a good time. Travel, see the world, work when you're broke, don't work when you have a few bucks, and generally have fun. I honestly don't know which is the better path. You only live once, as they say. It's a choice only you can make.

 

Well said Dan! Completely agree.

[tschirk]

life is short & fragile....go ....or you will resent many later...

[danbo]

This ain't a "dress rehersal".

Ya gotta follow your gut..right or wrong. It's your choice. Your life.

Once you hit your mid-40's your body's going to start complaining anyway!

If your healthy I say go for it!!

We are spiritual beings living in a human form..so the more experiences you can conquer..the higher your spirit will soar when it's over..

[pikehunter]

Ask yourself this: What will be going through your mind if the future, who knows how many years from, if you find yourself laying in a hospital bed and looking at a grim diagnosis. Bet you that trip to New Zealand would sound pretty good.

 

I know far too many people that put off their dreams so they could follow that "family lifestyle" that's not for everybody. If you have some free spirit in you then go for it! Don't look back you are still young enough to rebound when you decide to end your walkabout.

 

Who says that we all have to conform to the wife, 2 kids and a mortgage lifestyle?

 

My brother died, 2 months after reaching 65, my sister in law is facing an uncertain future in her late 50's, my brother-in-law same thing but he is finally retiring with a ton of money but has had no life and is too cheap to enjoy the $'s. My best friend is sitting in the hospital right now with non hogkins lymphoma and no use of his feet due to spinal nerve damage from the tumors. He is trying his best to keep his spirits up and has been staring at the grim reaper in the eye for a couple of weeks, BTW he is about 55 and retired for less than 2 years after a lifetime in the steel mills. For his sake and family I wish him all the good wishes I can. I could name many more people. So don't wait for the future to live your dreams!

[GBW]

you sound like you know what you are going to do but need some justification from others to get your blessing. don't take offence but that's just how I read your post...

if you don't go, are you going to resent your sister and nephew as they both can use your help?

if you go, are you worried that this may not be the spark to get you going again and that you may want to go away for another year soon rather than a normal vacation?

you've got some time to look at all you options and buy looking into it now is a good thing.

open you tackle box and look at your fav. bass lure, can you go without that for another year? I only joke with that as this is OFC...

 

Do what you want, feel is right for you and be happy with the end results.

OR, heads you go tails you stay....

[Tarzan's Jane]

I am leaning more towards New Zealand. It's only for a year. I can tell you that it's not so much the feelings of regret that I have, but more the "wondering" and the thoughts that I perhaps missed out on something great for myself....the what if's drive me crazy sometimes.

Your nephew will miss you...and because he is so young, he will worry about you...so...involve him and when you can, if you can, send him messages, pics, whatever. He'll have lots to share at school for 'show and tell' lol

You still have time to make $$$

Good Luck and let us know what you decide.

[OhioFisherman]

At some point in your life you are going to have to settle down and prepare for the golden years, a lot of people wait too long to even think about it. Blowing off a year here and there can have adverse effects later.

 

I worked with people that didn`t think ahead much, it was a live for the moment thing, have brother in laws that never gave a thought towards retirement, they will probably have to work till they croak, unless they hit the lottery they have no pension plan.

 

Just depends on your thinking.

[jughead]

Pack your bags and go. I am 40 and have watched three friends get buried in the past 18 months and have another on the way with cancer. None of them left wishing they'd worked more. If your departue isn't going to have a detrimental impact on others who you are responsible, don't think twice about it.

 

Part of it is a youth thing but part of it isn't. I used to work like a dog, have a bunch of employees and make very good money but most of it was to feed the machine of a lifestyle built on a little too much excess - huge house, 2 expensive cars, etc. Watching my Father and some friends pass away young got to me and I down scaled everything - smaller house, no expensive cars, less 80 hour work weeks. The end result is a much happier life with more time spent with my wife and kids, more time travelling and more time fishing or sitting on my can at the cottage.

 

Work to live, don't live to work. Go.

[Moosebunk]

Too many good points here and pretty much all over the board too. I'm 31... but I'll beat ya to 32.

 

You take the trip... you come back in six months, a year maybe, then what. Back to working for someone else, back to the mundane... And in a few years when the next travel bug bites your butt then what? Do it again?

 

Someone said it's only a choice you can make but you wouldn't have posted if you weren't sure.

 

Life can be equally as good or better once you accept what comes with adulthood for most successful people. That being owned responsibility, rewards for your smart life choices, gained securities and earned freedoms. But that's my take, because at 31 if I was contemplating what you are now it would mean that about 11 years ago I failed myself then and long since forgot about that harsh reality. That's me though... you must see it different and I don't know you at all to know if you're overall happy about your present day life.

 

It'd be great if you continued on being a good uncle, found yourself someone to share life with, maybe went back to school or found a job that in the end pays more than enough for you to comfortably take a two week long trip to New Zealand every year for the rest of your life, maybe two more weeks a year in Greece, a week in BC and weekends at the cottage. You'd end up creating much more in life for yourself, and the sailing would likely be a helluva lot smoother. Or instead, continue riding the up and down swells you're currently navigating and hope your internal compass doesn't break down rendering you lost.

[Moosebunk]

Jughead's point is good too.

 

Afterall, you are only talking of maybe a year or so aren't you. After that I'd say, get Crackin'.

[Rich Clemens]

Tapout: Whether this helps or not, Dan said it pretty well. I have a similar philosophy. Too often, I've seen people bust their buns all their lives and save for the retirement years, and by the time they get there, health issues prevent them from enjoying those golden years. Even in my own family, I've lost members who passed on just after retirement and never got to enjoy life or do many of the things they had planned on doing. Of course, this applies only to a percentage and not the majority. Patsy and I do what we want to do now ... while we are able. We both like to travel and whether we go on fishing trips or trips to another place or country, we do it because we are able. Sure, we are still planning and preparing for the retirement years, but enjoying life and all it has to offer while we can enjoy it, is a priority for us.

 

This is a personal decision you have to make Tapout and a lot of good advice, whether to GO or not. Maybe the time away is what you need. Come back with a cleared mind, renewed enthusiasm, and put the past unpleasant work experiences behind you.

[Big Cliff]

Sounds like you are looking for some adventure in your life. Have you thought about joining the armed forces, get some adventure, some wonderful opportunities, and build for your future too. Just remember the seeds you plant today will be the crops you reap tomorrow.

[TOM C]

2 choices here

 

1 Go and live

 

 

2 Or as some have suggested settle down and start worrying about the day your going to die

 

 

If 1 year in a life time makes or breaks if your going to be able to retire than more than just going out and living life went wrong

 

WHAT MAKES A BETTER STORY WHEN YOUR OLD, THE ONE THAT ENDS WITH,IF ONLY I WOULD HAVE, OR, I WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE

[lew]

I think the worst thing a person can do in his lifetime is to have a dream but never carry it out, and then regret not doing it for the rest of time. We've all had friends and loved ones go to the grave never having fullfilled their dreams.

 

A fella I worked with dreamed for many years of sailing across the Atlantic alone in a 21' sailboat but kept putting it off, and then finally at about 50 years of age he said to heck with it all, took an extended leave of absence and took off on his dream.

 

He was successful in his trip and had fullfilled what he'd always wanted to do and said it was the best decision of his life and would have totally regretted it if he hadn't done it.

 

As pikehunter stated........."Who says that we all have to conform to the wife, 2 kids and a mortgage lifestyle?"........ and there's alot of truth in that.

 

Take the trip to New Zealand, have a wonderful year down there, and then pat yourself on the back for having the guts to do what so many other folks never do and regret for the rest of their days.

 

Life is too short to be stuck working till your dying days.

 

And don't ferget to send us a postcard now & then

[doubleheader]

Not many in my generation, I'm 55, would consider taking such a trip at your age. We were taught to bust your hump and hopefully retire early, then enjoy the rest of your life. I'm not sure that is the right path for everyone. The obvious assumption in that strategy is you'll live to be 50 and still have good health. It doesn't always work that way, and I'm not so sure we were intended to work like we do. Hey, you don't have your own family, I'd say go for it. Just post pictures for us to drool over.

[pikehunter]

 

There's nothin' you can do girl,

There's nothin' you can say.

You're talkin' to the sky girl,

I just got to get away.

Got to hear the wind song

Singin' in my ear.

Got to get it on girl

And I'll never make it here.

 

'Cos the wind was my mother,

The highway is my brother.

I was born to wander,

And it's time for movin' on.

I was born to wander,

Turn around and I'll be gone, gone, gone.

 

I'm just followin' my heart girl,

And it's followin' the sun.

Lookin' for an answer

I know may never come,

But I gotta chase my dreams girl,

Like a river to the sea,

Got to find a rainbow,

That's waitin' there for me.

 

'Cos the wind was my mother,

The highway is my brother.

I was born to wander,

And it's time for movin' on.

I was born to wander,

Turn around and I'll be gone, gone, gone.

Edited April 17, 2008 by pikehunter

[fishinggeek]

I say if you have no dependents and aren't planning any, do what you want. NZ certainly sounds like fun. But if you have dependents now or in the future, they have to live with the consequences of decisions you make, such as taking an extended leave and not being as financially stable as you would have otherwise been. If there is any doubt about it, I say don't go. It sounds almost childish if you aren't independently wealthy. I'd save it for your retirement. Do what Lew's friend did. When you're in your 50's, things are much more certain in financial terms. Your kids might be educated and out of the house. You might have a nice chunk of savings. That's the time to be childish.

 

If your teenager wants to study at a top university in the states in the future, it isn't cheap. A lot of parents would think paying so much for a degree is outrageous when compared to the costs of a Canadian education. But to me, there are a lot of things that are far more outrageous such as fly-in trips, bass boats, or backpacking in your 30's for an extended time. I don't have children (yet), but when I do and I can't pay for the things that might give them the best head start because of choices I've made in the past, that is irresponsible IMHO. After all, I would dread having to tell my daughter she can't go to Harvard because I went backpacking for a year in my 30's.

[danbo]

Can WE come with ya?