What would you do....

[lookinforwalleye]

Looking for some advice on how to handle a situation....

 

I have 3 buddies I consider close friends we have known each other for 25 years we have traveled to Cuba,Jamaica,Grenada,Dominican,Florida together our kids grew up together, we go to rock shows together do guys weekends at my trailer anyways you get the picture...our last beer and wing nite we talked about planning another guys trip to the Dominican in fact it was my idea, well I just found out by accident the other day that my 3 best friends left for Punta Cana last Tuesday and will be arriving home from Punta Cana today.

 

I don`t mind saying I am more than a little pissed at them for not being invited I am inclined to tell them to kiss me ...how would you handle it??

[ccmtcanada]

I would just ask why the secrecy and let them answer. Don't react yet....find out what the story is then decide what to do...

[cuzza]

^^ this, organize beer and wing night and ask

 

Not worth losing close friends over a misunderstanding, find out what's going on first

[grimsbylander]

Wait until next year and set up another trip...tell one Cuba, one Jamaica and the other Dominica

 

Kidding...I'd certainly ask, calmly, why they did that. Even if there was a reason, it doesn't sound like they handled it right.

 

Let us know though. I'm curious how it turns out.

[adempsey]

Is this type of trip a common thing? The last time I've done that was in University when single. I never though married men with children had guy only trips down south. Don't think my wife would approve, lol.

 

Anyway, if I am being honest, the only time I've witnessed something like this is the person left out did something in the past and the rest are tired of their crap. Doesn't sound like this is the case, but sorry to say, that's my experience.

Edited December 1, 2015 by adempsey

[KraTToR]

First off, that sucks... I can only imagine what's going through your head right now.

 

My advise, like a post above would be to invite them all to a night out for some beer, wings, whatever you're into. Stay calm, behave like its no big deal and that you're genuinely interested in how their trip went. Then once they figure you're ok with it, gently ask why they didn't ask you.. (if it hasn't come up already by one of them). If you start getting lame answers drink your fill of beer, excuse yourself to the washroom and leave. Leaving the bill with them. That should send a message and if any or all come back with an apology or whatever, then you can decide what to do with regards to the relationship.

 

Sometimes relationships like this run their course and it maybe time to move on.

 

Good luck, hope it turns out well for you.

[porkpie]

It's been my experience that when this happens to a guy, he screwed up big somehow. Most often the persons knows what he did. That's my answer for you, and perhaps not the one your looking for. My advice, if you really don't know what you did, remain calm, go for beers, ask what you did (cause you did something) and prepare to take your lumps. Old friends of 25 years don't suddenly ditch each other without something having gone wrong. I second the buddy trip thing though, what married guy gets a free pass to go down south on a boys trip. Fishing sure, but to the pony ride palace.... Unreal LOL.

[LostAnotherOne]

I'm sure its been on there mind there whole trip that they didn't invite you. Hope it works out for you

[irishfield]

Is it just possible they knew what you had going on at home Gord and planned a trip on their own, to be certain they got where they wanted to go? Had that happed to me with the usual ice fishing trip. I would have probably taken it a bit better if they hadn't rented the place on the other end of my island to stay in or better yet gone to some other lake, but as time goes on I understand their moves and they understand the emotions it caused. Just sit down with your old buddies and find out what the deal is. You weren't flirting with their wives..

[cheaptackle]

Could it be a breakdown in communication? As in each of the other three thought you had been involved in the discussion without realizing you weren't? Kind like that Home Alone movie where they got all the way there before realizing the kid wasn't with them. I'd give it the benefit of the doubt and straight out ask how it came to be they were away without you, but be prepared to get an answer you may not be expecting. It's possible that they were thinking something you weren't and didn't know how to approach you, just as it's possible you may have alienated yourself for some reason. Only they know - and if ya wanna know too ya gotta ask, otherwise it's all just guessing.

 

Michael

[lookinforwalleye]

I appreciate the answers guys and let me assure you that between the four of us we have never spoken a cross word to each other in 25 years, and Wayne nothing going on with the wives in fact I think the wives are closer than us guys if that is possible... ...I don`t think the situation at home has any bearing on what went down they have been very supportive and know the situation is stable and would not have affect a short holiday.

 

Well they get back around 7 I think I will just send them a text welcoming them home and just ask them why I was not asked to be part of the trip and see what happens....there has to be a reason....

[misfish]

Are they leaf fans Gord?

[manitoubass2]

I only find it odd because youse do so many of These trips together frequently.

 

My best buds and I exclude each other all the time and sometimes for no real reason.

 

Nobody gets butt hurt are even really cares

 

You sure your not just making up an issue out of a non issue?

Edited December 1, 2015 by manitoubass2

[manitoubass2]

Myself, Id just welcome them home and thats that

 

No big deal IMO

[lookinforwalleye]

Well lets see....our last get together I suggested the four of us look into doing another guys trip south everybody thought it was a good idea the next thing I know they planned the trip and went themselves...ya your right Bass2 nothing there just forget about it.....

[cuzza]

I'd wait and ask them in person when you're all together. Emotions and humour can get lost in text/email conversations and if they didn't tell you they were going, they'll smell a rat if the first thing they see when they get off the plane is a welcome back message.

 

I also wondered about them being Leafs fans.....

[glen]

You got wasted and did something wrong.

 

Your wife told them you can't go.

 

They could only get tickets for three.

 

You smell.

[glen]

Other then the wife telling them no I have had the other problems.

[Yellow Fever]

Understand your frustration.....get them all together and ask if you screwed up or did something that they were not man enough to say something to you about, You dont want to lose some friends of 25 years or create a rift between the women.

[manitoubass2]

Understand your frustration.....get them all together and ask if you screwed up or did something that they were not man enough to say something to you about, You dont want to lose some friends of 25 years or create a rift between the women.

This is why you say nothing...

 

Its not a big deal IMO and nothing to feel hurt over

[Pigeontroller]

Maybe they're Liberals?

[Yellow Fever]

Well..it would be a big deal to me and it is to the OP. I would want to know...This is how you will find out how good a friends they are (or were) Cant have it in the back of your mind everytime you get together.

[davey buoy]

Well..it would be a big deal to me and it is to the OP. I would want to know...This is how you will find out how good a friends they are (or were) Cant have it in the back of your mind everytime you get together.

Me as well,I would need to know why?,so many years,and just take off?.I would definitely ask.

[manitoubass2]

I just come to redo that statement, cause I cannot tell one how to feel.

 

if its a big deal just ask at an appropriate time.

 

I guess maybe my friends and myself think/act a lil differently.

[aplumma]

A discussion is better than a demand for an answer.

 

 

Art