Greencoachdog Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) So I'm planting grass seed and covering it with wheat straw. The bales of wheat straw I'm using are a couple months old and have been sitting at the curb of the slopes in my yard to prevent the tilled soil from washing into the road when we get heavy rain, errosion control. These straw bales are wet on the bottom and in the middle, they have every critter native to this area in them... fire ants, a dozen different types of spiders, millipedes, crickets, slugs, wasp nests, and I even found a couple of Leopard frogs underneath them. I had been moving them periodicaly to till and shape where they were sitting, so I know what's in and under them. I wear a pair of heavy welding gloves when I have to handle them for protection. Well yesterday it was time to start using them to cover the grass seed, I put them in a 10 cubic foot yard cart that I pull behind the garden tractor and cut the baling twine and bust them up with a pitch fork... and them spread the straw over the seed. Most of the critters bale out when I start putting them in the cart and the rest leave while I break them up with the pitch fork. I had moved all the bales to where I was going to use them and was getting ready to bust one up when I catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of my right eye, dangling from the bottom of the cart half way to the ground about 6" from my leg! I bent down for a closer look, and yep!!! Black Widow Spider!!! I dispatched it with one of my heavy welding gloves and sent it to Spider heaven! So now I'm busting up this bale, and not 4 minutes after killing the BWS I catch a glimpse out of my left eye of black crawling on the left shoulder of my white t-crap!... I instantly soiled myself!!! Then I did what any true Arachnophobe would do... I freaked out big time!!! I started running, and swatting, and jumping, and hopping, and crying, and screaming "PLEASE DON'T BITE, PLEASE DON'T BITE ME... I DON'T WANNA DIE I DON'T WANNA DIE", and all the while thinking "IT WON'T COME OFF, IT WON'T COME OFF!!! WHY THE HELL WON'T IT COME OFF??? Then after what seemed like an eternity I dislodged Satan's Little Purveyor of Death and caught a glimpse of black fly off my left shoulder on onto the ground and stopped freaking out. I then approached the little Hell Spawn Demon with murderous intent... I looked down and it was... a danged ol' black Cricket!!! ... laying on his back kicking all of his legs in hysterical laughter! ... Yeah it wasn't so damn funny when he tasted the bottom of size 10 hiking boot eh!!! So I lit up a cigarette and started looking around and realized I couldn't see my house???... because... I had run about a half mile down the road in my Arachnophobic induced hysteria... it took me 10 minutes to walk back home! I hope nobody saw me! Edited August 30, 2009 by GCD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misfish Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Are you a fibb,n Glen? Dang sure is a funny story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TroutnMuskieHunter Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 .....now that's funny Glen!!!......but, just think how much quicker ya coulda ran if you stopped smokin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
splashhopper Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 no pictures? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camillj Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Now thats funny Dawg ... me ... I have this thing about peekin inside the outhouse seat before sittin down not because I like to scope the size of the pile down below but because .... I have actually seen black widows out there so it not just a phobia ... besides I guess I am specially careful with my pants down round my ankles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musky or Specks Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 As a spider bite survivor I probably would have been worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danbo Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Ya need a pair of these ya rascally rebel .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paully Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 I got a felling this story is fake... you said you were wearing a shirt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redneck666 Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 I got a felling this story is fake... you said you were wearing a shirt! HAHAHAHA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdfast Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 I got a felling this story is fake... you said you were wearing a shirt! That's so funny, but you do have a point. I think Coach batched himself up of too potent of moonshine. The Hallucinated type. Did He say he was working? Huh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twocoda Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) im still trying to figure out why your right eye was dangling off the bottom of the cart.... My regards to your wife GCD....better luck next time ...lol... Edited August 30, 2009 by Twocoda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greencoachdog Posted August 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) Are you a fibb,n Glen? Dang sure is a funny story. Pretty much true... but I did embellish a bit! 1. I don't know if I was really screaming... but I sure was thinking it!!! 2. I don't know if the Cricket was really laughing, but it sure looked like it when he was wiggling on his back! 3. I never really left the yard TroutnMuskieHunter Posted Today, 01:04 PM .....now that's funny Glen!!!......but, just think how much quicker ya coulda ran if you stopped smokin' It was all pure adrenaline Steve!!! Shore_Lunch Posted Today, 03:35 PM I got a felling this story is fake... you said you were wearing a shirt! That part was very true!... I was wearing it for protective/safety purposes ONLY!!! holdfast Posted Today, 04:09 PM That's so funny, but you do have a point. I think Coach batched himself up of too potent of moonshine. The Hallucinated type. Did He say he was working? Huh I might do more work by accident than you do on purpose Holdie! ... and the drinking doesn't start until the work is done. Edited August 30, 2009 by GCD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dara Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 So...aka Spider girl now eh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike the Pike Posted August 30, 2009 Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks for the great funny story again dog I was reading this but trying not to laugh as I was still in alot of pain from my operation. Good on you for preventing that lovely canadian wife of yours from becoming a widow.Phew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greencoachdog Posted August 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) im still trying to figure out why your right eye was dangling off the bottom of the cart.... My regards to your wife GCD....better luck next time ...lol... I'll give you a shout the next time I find one, so you can come over and kill it with your bad punctuation and capitalization. Edited August 31, 2009 by GCD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aplumma Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 I don't think that I have heard of a spider dieing from biting a redneck... But thanks for your concern and not letting the spider commit suicide. Art Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pikehunter Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Good funny story. On a serious note we don't get many black widows up here but about a month ago an 80+ yr old woman in Oakville was pulling some weeds from the garden and got bit by one in the hand. She survived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitespinnerbait Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Time to put the house up for sale ...........and move on up to the '' Great White North ''.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fish4Eyes Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 America's Funniest Home Videos right there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiel Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hysterical, funniest thing I've read in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jds63 Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 Thats a hilarious story .... I can relate I had the same type of experience except with one of those large dock spiders crawling up the arm of a chair I was sitting in on my buddy's dock ... never jumped so fast in all my life ..LOL the thing was the size of dinner plate !!! ... well ok maybe the size of toonie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRIFTER_016 Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 EEK A SPIDER!!!! WHAT A GIRLIE MAN!!!! Try coming face to face with a 1000# Grizzly at 15 Feet like I did last September!!!! I just wish I had an extra hand to take a photo when she was close, but I had my floatrod in one hand and my other was on the Bear Spray just in case. I ended up with this lame shot of her going away at 60 or 70 feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danbo Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 sHE PROLLY WANTED TO MATE WITH YA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bly Posted August 31, 2009 Report Share Posted August 31, 2009 LOL!!! Thanks for that Glen...going to keep me laughing for awhile...picturing you shrieking like a girl running all around.....too funny! Glad you weren't bitten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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