Learning to fail.

[limeyangler]

GOOD CONVERSATION PIECE

[johnnyb]

Such a simple idea....but really something a lot of us are missing. My son has always had a natural tendency towards perfectionism...it has been rough working with him when he expects to ace everything he tries on the first time. I think you gain a lot more confidence when you are able to overcome failure, as opposed to being good at something right off the bat.

[quickme]

interesting concept. I do agree people should learn to "lose" we can't win all the time ( except in my wife's case ) I do think teaching kids how to lose should be a reactive lesson thou. Why not teach them that you can succeed at everything? Why not have them constantly striving for the best? That makes them know that the possiblity is endless! I've played competitive sports my whole life and I know how to lose... ( i've played for some really bad teams) When I lost i knew that we did not play our best that day. The other team was just more focused and better that day. Losing is a good thing. You learn from them and in the long run you will be a better team or person.

 

Kids should learn how to Lose gracefully. They should be taught that you should respect the team/person that did better. If you learn how to respect you learn that losing is just a lesson that someone that wins teaches you to win next time.

[Harrison]

Sat in on a family discussion after Easter dinner(not my side, ha) where a child Phycologist, a child youth worker, an ECE, elementary teacher and a principal were having this very discussion.

 

Very interesting view points from all sides. General census was our youth have to fail at some point and accept the consequences for it.

 

They did look a little awe struck when I asked for their view point on when I should introduce my lil girls to hunting. They were not quite sure how to take that.

Edited April 19, 2012 by Harrison

[doubleheader]

Personally I think one of the problems in today's mindset in the US is the tendancy to tell kids they are all "winners" when they didn't win. I believe it creates the wrong mindset and sets them up to give up when faced with real life challenge. I suspect it's because some mentors,(teachers, parents, and coaches) misunderstand or can't differentiate between the importance of striving to succeed (which is a critical life lesson) and failing to give ones best effort. It has been my experience in 60 years of living that many gifted children, whether athletically or intellectually gifted, don't reach their full potential because winning comes easy, and they are praised for winning rather than challenged to work to improve. The corollary scenario occurs with challenged kids. They don't receive praise for their efforts and never receive praise as they don't win, or, falsely receive praise just for participating even when they mail-in an effort. Kids need to learn that life is full of challenges, everyone faces them, if they work they will excel at times and they will also fail from time to time, but they will only improve with intelligent effort. Life is full of challenges, it's how we react to them that sets apart life's winners.

Edited April 19, 2012 by doubleheader

[Christopheraaron]

I think it's a good idea, however I'd like to see them try to do it because you can't just tell a kid "OK you are going to fail now". it just won't make an impact however if you set them up to fail spontaneously it probably would work.

Edited April 19, 2012 by Richmond Hill fisher

[BillM]

Harder to be a good loser then a good winner.

[mike rousseau]

Why not teach them that you can succeed at everything?

 

depends on your definition of success i guess...

 

like the saying goes "the world needs ditch diggers"

 

we cant all be superstars on TV or make millions on wall street...

 

or grow up to be firefighters and police officers like we hoped in kindergarden...

 

sometime people just dont have it in them to succeed at certain things... and sometimes its totally out of their control whether or not they succeed...

 

ive failed at many things in my life... but have had plenty of success... ive learned more from the failures in my life then success...

 

 

i know im gunna raise my son to recognize "failure" and teach him to learn and grow from it...

[Skud]

I see a poor attitude in my children when it comes to this. If they feel that they can't succeed at something they won't even try. And it comea from both sides of the spectrum. My daughters are gifted and breeze through all their school work but in their everyday life not take on challenges if it won't be easy. My boys struggle at school and give no thought to rising to the occasion and get good marks. Just no worth the effort in their minds. Very frustrating! I due warn them how this poor attitude will catch up to them in their adult years. Life takes effort even though effort can still lead to failure.

[Paulus]

great topic, Limey

 

The word "failure" is so badly connotated that it makes it sound like, when something didn't work out the way you expected, that's a bad thing. But in truth, if you can distance yourself from using emotionally charged words like "failure" and "success," you can see more clearly that life is a series of problem solving events. You know... "how am I going to catch fish at the opener - because there hasn't been any rain," and going regardless of how poorly it augurs because there's something else there for me to gain - i.e. a spring day spent outside fishing, a day with friends, a day NOT sitting on a couch or in front of a computer "wishing" I could act, etc...

 

As for kids, I try to gauge the effort vs the result as best I can, based on what I think they can achieve if they try. If they exceed my expectation, which they often do, I give them a heavy dose of positive feedback - but specific: "I like the way you did this. I like that you didn't fall for that." etc. They feed off that and want more, and they soak it up that trying hard yields good results. Floating, though, or - much worse not trying at all - won't earn them any accolades. But I will be specific about what they need to do to get them. If they fall and get hurt (physically or emotionally), we look for how bad it is, what went wrong, what we can try next time - then we get up, dust ourselves off & keep going; because just around the corner is another accomplishment, another round of positive feedback, and why wait overlong to get there?

 

At least, in theory... that's what I try to do!

 

p.-

[Twocoda]

failure can bring prosperity....Evil Knievel ring a bell? His biggest failures were his biggest successes

[Billy Bob]

The 99% ers are the children that were told they are all winners and now they have come back to haunt us...they want...no they are demanding their share of everything they didn't earn....

[TennesseeGuy]

It's disturbing that one would teach a son or daughter to be a good loser. For sure you'll end up with a loser.

 

How about instilling the ability to handle all life experiences with maturity and class?

 

Keep the scoreboard lit up and strive to win. Build and improve on our efforts when we don't win.

 

Do your best to provide your opponent with the opportunity to deal with losing.

[moparhawk]

I may be in the minority but teaching children " Failure is frequent and common " seems harsh. Which of us would claim we failed today? and it was common? Failure only comes when something's over I prefer to teach an attitude that reflects continued effort until you figure it out.

[mike rousseau]

It's disturbing that one would teach a son or daughter to be a good loser. For sure you'll end up with a loser.

 

How about instilling the ability to handle all life experiences with maturity and class?

 

Keep the scoreboard lit up and strive to win. Build and improve on our efforts when we don't win.

 

Do your best to provide your opponent with the opportunity to deal with losing.

 

 

You say your against teaching kids to fail... So are the rest of us... Nobody is trying to teach their kids to fail and lose at everything... But to cope and learn from failures and accept that they happen to everyone from time to time...

 

 

That's how I understood the article anyways...

[mercman]

There really is no failure in life. Only learning by trial and error.

[Roy]

There really is no failure in life. Only learning by trial and error.

 

Or as our pharmaceutical companies like to call it, research & development.

[Skipper D]

Then there was the pill i received as a kid when looking for a pat on the head after i knew i had done some thing worthy and it came in the form of ..... "perhapes you'll do better next time" .... man that would tic me off , but you know it worked .

Edited April 24, 2012 by Skipper " D "

[SirCranksalot]

Most of us already know 'how to fail'. It's dealing with it that causes us the distress. e.g.How long was it before you admitted to yourself that you weren't gonna make the NHL? I've played pick-up hockey with some guys into their twenties who seemed to think there were NHL scouts in the stands.

[TennesseeGuy]

You say your against teaching kids to fail... So are the rest of us...

 

I did not say that. Did not imply that.

 

My point was to include maturity and class in all their experiences and let that carry into competition. Be a good person. Every day. Don't base a career on being a good loser.

 

Everyone loves to win. I like to surround myself with those who hate to lose.

[mike rousseau]

I did not say that. Did not imply that.

 

 

 

It's disturbing that one would teach a son or daughter to be a good loser. For sure you'll end up with a loser.

 

 

this sounds like your against teaching a child to be a good loser... or in other words...accepting failure gracefully...and anybody that is willing to accept any failure is a "loser"...

 

 

thats how it read to me...

 

theres even a commercial on WFN where a pro angler says the key to being a successful tournament angler is to be a good loser... dont go pout about it...congratulate the winner and try to figure out what he did to beat you that day...

 

which to me means accepting failure that day...but learning and growing from it to succeed in the long run...

[mercman]

"Children need to be taught that failure is frequent and normal, it is not the end of the world and we should all help this by a cultural shift in admitting that we failed. Only by learning to lose can we achieve success."

 

The above is an excerpt from the article that the OP linked to in his original post.Its not about teaching kids to fail, but teaching them that IF they fail, its not the end of the world, and to learn from it.

Most problems and violence in sports involveing children comes from it being drilled into thier heads, that failure is not an option, and to do anything to win.If we taught them that winning is the goal, but failure is also winning if you learn from that failure, and continue trying to win, then these young people would be more realisticalyy able to cope with life as it unfolds.

 

Everyone wants to stick close to people who want to win, but i dont know anyone who WANTS to lose.

 

 

[BillM]

It's disturbing that one would teach a son or daughter to be a good loser. For sure you'll end up with a loser.

 

 

So what do you do? Just give your kids a load of excuses as to why they lost? That's much better!

[Billy Bob]

So what do you do? Just give your kids a load of excuses as to why they lost? That's much better!

 

You blame it on the umpire....that is what everyone else does....(I umpired for many years).

[BillM]

You blame it on the umpire....that is what everyone else does....(I umpired for many years).

 

LOL!!!! The only time I ever blamed something on the empire (and got kicked out of the game for) was because 2nd base wasn't attached. So I slid, hit the bag, it goes another 4ft and I get called out... Playoff game as well, I lost it!!