oldphart

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 1 RE: Annual Office Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++= FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 2 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 3 RE: Holiday Party Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 7 RE: Holiday Party What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package every- thing for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. However, to the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All darn Employees DATE: December 10 RE: The darn Holiday Party Vegetarians!! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your darn salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me? The bugger from HELL! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director DATE: December 14 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays! PS: HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND!!!

~~~~AAAAAH the Good Old Daze BBQ Dec.29/03 Week later +5 on Lake Hal Jan.07/04 in my boat , and the way things are going, I hope to be up there again

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour." ________________________________ During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is." _____________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone." ________________________________ Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!" "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!" ________________________________ Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you. Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot. Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. ______________________________ An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." ________________________________ "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

~~~I want to see Myth Busters where they put a cannon ball through a house and hit a minivan, but I don't think they'll show it until the leagle action is over. Can You Say OOOPs

. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point. 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant. 4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies.. Awards tarnish.. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special. 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !' ''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"

~~~Really enjoy watching your vid as I laid on my desk, great post with fantastic pics.

~~~~Great idea with those Glow sticks will have to hit the local $ store

~~~Another great report Dad, but seem a little early for puttin the boat away???

~~~Gosh Darn that were a great report, great pics also

~~~~Saturday out of Pephpherlaw winds at 20K out of the South temp 10+

I went out with some friends last night and had a couple too many drinks. Knowing that I was over the limit, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and sound, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.

~~~I also have the electric, never have to choke it, or the smell of gas in the van, and I can charge it up from the van, or run it off the van battery

~~~great pics, thanks for sharing

~~~~Great pics bud thanks for posting them, You mention Ice shack and cooking some deer meat, aaaaaaaaaaaaah where, and when, and do I have to supply my own plate???

~~~~Congrats on a great day of phishen, and posting the report.

~~~looks great But where's the wine rack??

~~~Great hunt bud, now where, & when did you say the Pig roast will be, ab=nd do I have to bring my own plate

~~~It's no fun breaking down on the water. lost my lower gears on the Bog took 2 hrs to get back to the ramp on the troling motor, $2600 to get it fixed

~~~~Hmmmmmmmm somethung not rite with your story, letting the Fawn, and Doe go by, then having a buck die in front of you a believe, but you say you were texting, Naaa this I phind hard to believe

~~~~AAAH Gosh with I could say he's my Dad, but that would be a lie, great post bud, (hang on "Mom do you know a guy named ??)

~~~~All my typos are on purpose, and the H... with the Grammer police

~~~~Can remember when the Mayor of Barrie had the Police block to roads into town to stop us counrty kids from coming in to soap the store windows, we road in on the 9:00 oclock frieght train, dropped us off in the centre of town

~~~~I'll be sitten in my Garage with a big bowl of candy for those goblin, spooks, and any other scary creatures that show up, A Big BOO Hoo to all who hate Halloween

~~~~Great looken pup

~~~~Yes nothing better then a basket of Perch, and a strong Doggie smell to finish the day