oldphart

~~~Wife saw it about 1/4 mile from the stables where we keep our horse, on Church, just N. of Taunten R. and later spotted going through MacDonald Trash container.

Paraprosdokian.... A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 3. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. 4. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. 12. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks. 13. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put, "Doctor". 14. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 17. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 18. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. 19. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 21. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila. 22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 23. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 24. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target

~~~~With my knees I don't jump, but if the lake breaks up early, my boat is ready to go, just have to put the batteries in.

~~~~Note to self, Turn off the Alarm Clock, next year guys

~~~Anyone know what temp. they keep the beer at in Hooter's, last thing we need is warm beer to ruin the day

~~~And you wonder why I phish http://www.youtube.com:80/watch_popup?v=pjkLf_X88WM&vq=medium

~~~Yep I'm still up for it, check your PM bud

I was sitting on the veranda with the wife and I said, “I love you.” She asks, “Is that you or the Jack Daniel's talking?” I replies, “It’s me……….talking to the Jack Daniels.”

~~~Great report of a fun day with the family, thanks for sharing wish I was there for the meal.

~~~~I would say no, you can in some of the States down south, but here, it might be considered litter

~~~Love to get in on the action but stuck in Ajax with no transportation, anyone in Ajax wanna give it a shot

~~~Glad your okay bud, I hope you can get the RUST Stain out of you suit before next season

I was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, I managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where I crashed from pew to pew. I finally made my way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observed my sorry progress. Figuring I was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." I said from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

~~~~Stupid Government found out I can't build an Ark, because of a bunch of Red Tape my yards not Zone for Ark building, and I can't get a building permit, till they get an Ark inspector trained to inspect Arks, then my plans have to be approved.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.. A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question...' What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!' The nun fainted

~~~The plans I have for an Ark are a little dated, they call it to be 40 cubics by 40 cubics, What's a Cubics

~~~Yea everyone laughed at the Mayan's and their calendar, but with the Mid-East in turmoil, changing weather patterns, more active volcanoes, and this massive tsunami, this could be a wake up call. But what are we to do? Build and Ark??

~~~~What was her name so I can tell the wife??

~~I left home about 5:30 a.m. to go pishen. On the way out the door I answered the wife's "what time will you be home?" question with "probably about 11:30, I'm only going out for the morning bite" 11:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home, finally at about 11:45 I rolled in the driveway, left my rods in the garage, and presents the wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story. I finished phishen about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there's a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit. I agreed to stop, we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home. The wife looked me in the eye and said "don't crap me; you stayed for the night bite also, didn't you?

~~~~check out this site, then go change your pants http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/scariest_path.html

~~~Watched that show with the G2 Guides if you took a good look they were on only 3" of ice

The Darwins are out!!!! Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner: When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.... As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

~~~That was the 3:15 out of Moosenee coming thru, running a little late

~~~I remember Fish On really enjoyed that show. Enjoyed the show they did on filleting Pike, so you could get 5 boneless fillets

~~~~Not sure I care for a motor that doesn't make any noise, I would have to listen to the wife nagging~~~Nope I'll stay with a out of tune motor, for a good reason, Peace and quiet