Mission Fishin' Impossible. Report.

[Moosebunk]

Welcome to the Port Elmsley Drive-In.... Tonights feature, "MISSION FISHIN' IMPOSSIBLE" starring Moosebunk, Agent Medic Stevie Zebco, the Cheepas River, and Momma Nature...

 

But first the preshow cartoon...

 

 

 

 

GIRL'S RULE. (story told by my youngest)

 

 

 

My dad likes fish. My dad likes fish a lot. My dad likes fishing for fish. Dad woke me up early to go fishing with him and my sister. I like the boat and eating chicken nuggets and fries. I brush my teeth with a timer so I do it long enough. I'm four.

 

Dad's taking us to the Bay on a big river. I sawd a seal there and goose and hunters shooting gooses. It's warm outside. I'm sweaty.

 

 

Dad says we'll troll for trout from the sea. I don't see any fish. I'm sweaty and hungry. I'm always hungry. "Daaaaad, can I have a snack?"

 

Dad let me take off my jacket and drive the boat with him. I'm a better driver than my sister who's eight. There's polar bears out here my sister told me. "Daaaaad, can I have another snack?"

 

I don't see any fish. Dad says he "dropped" a fish, but I didn't see a splash. The worms must be getting tired of waiting to be eaten. If I was a worm I'd be a pink worm cause I like pink. I like purple and burgundy too.

 

"Daaaaad, can I have a snack please? A purple snack?"

 

Fishing is boring, I'm happy we're going home now. My sister is sleepy.

 

Where's dad going now? This isn't the way home. "Daaaaad, are we going home now?" Dad says he wants to check for a fish. Nice waterfall. Dad wants a picture.... again. He takes more pictures of fish than me. I like smiles.

 

 

Dad likes fishing for fish. I like the boat and ice cream... the white ice cream, and Barbies, and Dora, and Toopy and Binou and Backyardigans.

 

"Daaaaad, can I have a snack when we get home?"

 

 

The End.

 

 

 

 

MISSION FISHIN' IMPOSSIBLE.

 

 

Great thing for my buddy Steve, as the dude didn't mind being runner up to an old friend whom seems to have turned sour. When I tele-mo-phoned the local yokel he was all over changing work shifts and making our 6:30am departure a total rock solid plan.

 

The mission, as I had no choice to accept it was, to travel deep into the heart of the Cheepas River wilderness, totally anglinate every living aquatic thing swimming there, then capture a mob boss hostage and reveal his whereabouts to all interested online agencies. If I failed I would self destruct.

 

Come morning we hopped aboard the WarCanoe and made haste for the Cheepas.

 

Arriving there it became evident that a rough road lay ahead. From the river's mouth 37km up the Moose River, it would be another 88km to our target. The water had receeded quickly the previous weeks to levels that would now be classified as "most likely and almost certainly - dangerous."

 

 

Much time was spent travelling cautiously through rock garden mine fields that would blow any skeg to smithereens. The fish in these murky waters seemed scarce. One thing that there sure was plenty of though, were birds. Birds, birds and more birds lined the banks. Geese, ducks, cranes, whiskeyjacks, robins, ospreys and even an eagle. They all watched on as we passed by, inching closer towards our goal.

 

 

Steve was a solid gunman and well trained at picking off the few walleye we found hiding in eddies and creekmouths. Every one taken put a smile on his face... the man evidently enjoying his duty. A true anglinator fo'sho'.

 

 

After brief stops for fish we would blaze back onto the trail. Intel continued reaching us by many different channels. Weather, wildlife, waterway... yeah, we were totally tuned into the three "W's" that would eventually see our mission a success....

 

 

... OR SO WE THOUGHT!!!

 

A little too tuned in I guess, we didn't happen to see a single landmine which lay undetected below the water's surface. The rock smacked the skeg hard kicking the entire motor up off the transom. Immediately the boat stopped and I was in full on red-dang-alert. Steve was shaking his head... "whaddafawkwasdat Bunk?"

"Sniper mine er sumthin Stevie Zebco," I replied.

 

We had to slow the pace. We were in a heavy danger zone. Up ahead too was the biggest obstacle of the mission, the Falls. Where plenty before and plenty to come will likely meet their match.

 

Negative thoughts began racing through my head. If I was Jason Bourne I'd be having a weee bit of an identity crisis at this point. If I was a Charlie's Angel I'd either be PMS'ing or having a full on beeyotch fight with another Angel, or both.

 

I tried to think what Bond would do at a critical time like this... but soon concluded that even if I had a keg of apple martinis Steve's manboobs just still wouldn't attract me enough to bed his sweet white-ass down. A real pickle this all was.

 

We pressed on. But, we pressed on only momentarily as.... BANG!!! Another mine blew and knocked the motor back out again. Quickly I regained control of the WarCanoe but unfortunately my nerves didn't come so easy.

 

Steve and I were at a crawl. The mission become obviously more impossible. I stopped to radio base for a progress report.

 

 

We'd been at it a long time by this point. Our stop time to anglinate fish was really quite minimal, and our average moving speed was well below my target of 17km/hr. By calculation the Falls would only be about 6 to 7km ahead, and so I had to make a choice.

 

The river was becoming shallower with many more mines and snipers to impede our moving on. At this point too, we were actually very shy of our goal of 88km, as the 74km given on the progress report included 37km of travel on the Moose. We were still 50km shy of the target. It was now about 2:00pm and while I did the math and exhausted the possibilities, Stevie Zebco aglinated another walleye.

 

 

I opted to shoot up this little swift we were stopped at and ride carefully to the Falls. At that point we would stop for another progress report. After an hour more travelling we came about 300 meters short of this target. The Falls lay around a corner in the bend, we could not see it and we could not go on. A treacherous mine field rock garden "impossible" to pass stood in our way. We were defeated and had to begin a 40km descent back to a pre-established base camp at the mouth of the Abitibi River to the Moose River.

 

 

We had only just turned around when my old friend "Karma" showed up. We spotted him spying on us. My belief is he was sent to keep watch... maybe as Intel for another agency. All I know is, Steve and I were quick to exploit him and send him packing.

 

 

The way back to camp I reflected upon what went wrong. Timing was off, that's about all I could come up with. Many factors need to co-ordinate perfectly and in unison to make a Cheepas mission a success, and this day it wasn't meant to be. Even the fish that we could reach on route were nowhere to be found. Couldn't help but feel discouraged... defeated really. We reached base camp and settled into our quarters.

 

 

As the sun was setting and my flasked Scapa flowed into big pools between my cheeks then warmly past the throat, I had a clear scotch vision. In my dream state I relived Stevie Zebco's and my days struggle to find good numbers of fish and a mob boss. But as the dream went on, through a haze of mystery, it was foretold that tomorrow we would fish on strong. We would break free of this past and hold the faith that it only takes one fish to make a successful mission. From a dark day today there would be light come tomorrow... so Mob boss, look out.

 

 

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(Intermission - get a coffee or beer, take a whiz, kiss your wife, put the kids to bed, have a smoke and a pancake if ya like)

 

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Woke a little late and alot dry. Coffee and Bailey's, boat loaded, Honda fueled and oiled, Stevie Zebco and I were before too long taking off full throttle from the base. We had a score to settle.

 

The trip would take us up the Moose River about an hour. The skies were threatenting rain but that was about the only thing not in our favor for the day... Until, we reached our stop.

 

NIGHTLINES!!! Our stop found us at a small incoming creek. The area referred to as the Towers. Campers were set up right there, but, no one was around. Still though, even when off doing other things, people in these parts leave their lines in the water. I won't get into it any further than this.

 

It wouldn't stop us. In fact, it fueled our fire to complete our mission. Stevie Zebco would prove just how game he was to fish by anglinating this awesome pike from it's lair. Dood takes no prisoners.

 

 

At the creek we managed a few more fish too, mainly pike. Even with the rain starting off and on now, the way the few pike that bit did so indicated they were fiercly hungry. This was a plus.

 

After leaving the Towers we set off temporarily exploring. A nearby cabin which I have passed by a few times over the years could be barely seen off on the west shoreline. Stevie and I rode over there to gather some information about the region.

 

 

Didn't appear to be overly inhabited. Curious though, we climbed to the top and found an amazing site.

 

 

Steve was blown away. We were like kids getting set loose in someone's house. We peered around every corner, found trails, and three more cabins to accompany this unfinished grand lodge.

 

I was quickly bothered. The young poplar trees growing all around the site were ten or more feet high. It was obvious this beautiful project was abandoned. I wondered who... why... then felt upset over the waste. The view from here was spectacular, and someone ambitious must have extremely overestimated their potential.

 

 

I was quick to presume this was a hunting or fishing camp gone bad. The area would actually be quite unsuitable for both except for small windows of time in the spring and fall.

 

Back home I learned a few days later that this site was partially built for a youth treatment facility along the ONR railway. Over a million dollars was supplied to the local band by the governement to achieve this goal but about a decade ago the project was abandoned. As I am told, the actual area was later deemed too unsuitable to access in the warm months because of swampy terrain between it's location and the railway that lay about a kilometer away. My thought would be... fill the swamp where needed to build a trail. DUH! A million has already been spent. The whole idea of it, the wasted money, the idea lost, the rotting work just sitting in the bush bothers me. And to know that this same sort of site exists elsewhere at the Harricanaw River is enough to drive one to want to say something. Something I maybe shouldn't. Pure waste, stupidity and irresponsibility if you ask me.

 

Anyone with money and a dream... contact Moose Cree Band and see what can be done.

 

 

 

I had to get my mind off the negative. When heading back down to the boat I spotted a patch of fiddleheads. These fern sprouts were enough to make me happy. I got married in Perth at Fiddleheads Bar and Grill. A beautiful spot owned in part by my good freind and excellent chef. A tonne of fond memories there.

 

 

Back to the mission, I was optimistic about fishing this one back bay. I don't often get to try this spot, only a couple times over the years, but I have always thought it to hold good prospects.

 

Arriving there we found a gill net at it's mouth stretching halfway across the bay. Behind that gill net about a third of the way down the bay was another gill net. I'd need about a page to type out all the expletive words that I roared at this point. My temper getting the better of me.

 

The net at the river's mouth looked old so Steve and I gave it a lift to check. We wouldn't keep anything, but I would pull it if I found rotting fish. The net was empty.

 

We set off to troll the un-netted side of the bay and also zig-zagged in and out of the pocket between the two nets. Steve and I weren't at it very long before I felt the weight of a fish on the end of my line. "FISH ON!" I said excitedly, "Small one."

 

The hookset felt funny like three quick soft ticks but then a good weight slowed the boats forward momentum after I had killed the motor. I told Steve in short time that maybe it wasn't so small. While battling the fish, from the distance another boat could be heard coming our way, but nothing was in view.

 

A great fight to the WarCanoe, our mission was complete when we were quick to scoop the Mob boss up. The hook just fell out of him in the net effortlessly and then I hoisted my captive for it's mug shots. I have to tell yas that this Mission Impossible sure as heck felt good to see end at this point. Mob boss had eluded Agent Medic Stevie Zebco and I for well over 140km's of tough travel filled with Karma and sniper mines. All it takes is one fish to make the entire effort perfect.

 

A new Moose River PB too that I quickly released before another boat showed up in the bay to remove it's empty net. YES!!!

 

 

 

The rest as they say, is history.

 

Mission complete.

 

 

[danbouck]

Another Great Report! What a shame about that place.

[Smokey]

Great report and you sure live in a great part of the country. Thanks for another great report and lots of cool pics.

 

Mike

[stbruce25]

Now im sad, you told me you liked my man boobs............ lol

 

Good job on the report bud!

[JohnF]

Good job. No, great job.

 

Nothing beats yer reports here, no offense to all the other contributors, but he's got the terrain to his advantage, and besides, he's got a pretty good way with words.

 

Keep 'em comin'.

 

JF

[TJQ]

Dude... your reports are amazing... makes me .. ya me ... speechless....

[mepps]

nicely done good sir. I salute you.

[danbo]

Wow!

[sharper]

The scenery in your pictures are amazing. Great Report!

[addict]

another sweet report although im to lazy to read them your pics speak for themselves.just got back and can hardly wait till next spring to venture to the far north

[oldphart]

~~( Jason Bourne I'd be having a weee bit of an identity crisis at this point. If I was a Charlie's Angel I'd either be PMS'ing or having a full on beeyotch fight with another Angel, or both.

 

I tried to think what Bond would do at a critical time like this...) ~~~~Never mind what Jason Bourne, Charlies Angels, or even Bond, James Bond, would have done, I'm more like Matt Kelm(Dean Martin), I would have poured myself a drink sung a soft song, and a bevy of woman would shown up to cap the adventure

[limeyangler]

awesome report, real shame about that log cabin place.

[mattyk]

another amazing report, that keeps me daydreaming about the beautiful north. Thanks.

[douG]

Thanks very much, Drew. Fabulous.

[Rybren]

As always, a great, motivating report. Reminds me of my times up north and makes me yearn to go back.

 

Back in my (much) younger days as a bush pilot, I came across an abandoned, fully finished 2-story log lodge north of Armstrong, Ontario. It had a fully equipped kitchen, bar, and lounge, and had enough out cabins to sleep about 30 people. There was row upon row of 14' boats with 20 horse Mercs and docks galore. The place was absolutely spectacular and had never seen a single guest. As the story goes, much like the place that you found, the local band got funding from the Feds to build the place and then couldn't be bothered to do anything with it. What a shame!

 

Anyway, keep up the great posts. I'm living vicariously through you.

 

Cheers,

 

Rybren.

[b2kptbo]

Real nice, thanks...

[John]

Thanks as always Drew. Amazing report.......

[Guest Johnny Bass]

Very Impressive pike!!! Did you weigh it???

[danc]

Another beauty report Drew. I loved the girls aspect of the trip. That was priceless. The pb Pike is awesome. The orange fins look great. I'd love to included in one of your reports some day.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[scuro]

I too enjoyed the girls report. Nice to see their faces again, I want to see the eldest bending the rod with a good fish again! Drew that's a NICE pike It must be great to catch one of those in your back yard!

Edited June 8, 2008 by scuro

[Moosebunk]

I'd love to included in one of your reports some day.

 

That'll be the day I get writers block Dan and it'll end up just a big disappointment.

 

Nah, I can't wait to see your neck of the woods. Since my other summer plans for brookies fell through and I didn't get very many chances this spring, the time there will be even more needed.

 

 

Quote JohnnyB "Very Impressive pike!!! Did you weigh it???" Nah!! I'll guess 21 inches and about 6 pounds. I'm only 2' 6" myself.

 

 

Thanks again for the replies everyone. Always happy you enjoy the reports... makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

[JohnF]

makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

 

Have you been checked for mildew lately?

 

JF

[mikeh]

nice report , kids look like they are having fun.

[kickingfrog]

I always save these reports for the big monitor upstairs. Worth the wait.

[Victor]

Another fasinating report! You set a great example to all the members with these amazing reports! Thank you once again!