John Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 "Hello, is this the Sheriff's office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there" "Thank you very much for the call sir." The next day, the Sheriff's deputies descend on Virgil's house. They searched the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but found no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey Virgil! This here's Floyd...did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah" "Did they chop your firewood?" "YEP!" "Happy Birthday Buddy!!!" (Rednecks know how to Git-R-Dun!!)
Joey Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 Hardy, hardy har har. Kind of like the joke where the thief is in prison and his older mother can't do her gardening so they prisoner son tells them he hid the goods in the garden and they dig it up. Funny Joey
Kirk Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 (edited) need french canadian accent for this one: Roy should tell it. Quebec Cop: Is your name Jean Pierre? Quebec Logger: Yes it is Cop: Where you in Montreal last weekend, at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel Logger: yes Cop: room 302? Logger: Yes why? Cop: was there a woman in your room when you checked in? Logger: yes, I was surprised Cop: What did you do when you saw her? Logger: well, she was naked in bed ... and ...I am French....so I made love to her Cop: Well she was dead, did you know that? Logger: OH MY GOD...NO, I JUST THOUGHT SHE WAS ENGLISH Edited December 20, 2006 by Kirk
Roy Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 yuk yuk One of the best jokes I ever heard was told to me by DanC. C'mon Dan, you tell it so much better than I do.
Rich Clemens Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 Heard the wood cuttin' joke before ... but always good for a laugh.
danc Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 yuk yuk One of the best jokes I ever heard was told to me by DanC. C'mon Dan, you tell it so much better than I do. The sock joke Roy??
danc Posted December 20, 2006 Report Posted December 20, 2006 Bingo, Dan!! K, but I'll have to ad lib a little. I lost the original. Here goes, with a bit of modification. An OFC'er arrives home terribly drunk one night and attempts to slip quietly into bed, without his better half noticing. All goes well, so it seems. The OFC'er gets up in the morning to find his wife already in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she’s cooking, and sees one of his socks in the frying pan. “What are you doing?” he asks. “I’m doing exactly what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk,” she replied Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, “I don’t remember asking her to cook my sock…”
Roy Posted December 21, 2006 Report Posted December 21, 2006 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love that joke! It's kinda like deja-vu for me.....
danc Posted December 21, 2006 Report Posted December 21, 2006 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love that joke! It's kinda like deja-vu for me..... LOL Roy. You're too funny Bud...
brifishrgy Posted December 21, 2006 Report Posted December 21, 2006 two people walk into a bar which is kinda stupid cause ya figure the first guy hit it.... the second woulda ducked
huntervasili Posted December 21, 2006 Report Posted December 21, 2006 LoL... That first joke was really funny... made my night... All others were great too. Thanks for the laughs
danc Posted December 21, 2006 Report Posted December 21, 2006 Two Muslim mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls out a small album of photos and they start reminiscing... "This is my eldest son Mohamed, who would be 24 years old now..." "Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now, though," the 1st confides. "Oh, so sad dear," says the other. "And this is my 2nd son, Kalid, who would be 21...." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily. "He had such curly hair when he was born." "He's a martyr, too," says the 1st mum quietly. "Oh gracious me," says the other. "And this is my 3rd son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed, who would be 18," She whispers. "Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He is a martyr, also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the 2nd Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says........ "They blow up so fast, don't they?"
specktacklure Posted December 22, 2006 Report Posted December 22, 2006 why are eggs so sad ??? If you only got laid once,your mother was the only one that sat on your face and it took you 3mins to get hard you would be sad to !!!!
The Urban Fisherman Posted December 22, 2006 Report Posted December 22, 2006 hahahahaha - hopefully the our younger members don't get some of these jokes though!!!
medic Posted December 22, 2006 Report Posted December 22, 2006 Thanks for the laughs guys, you just made my day!!
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