bpsbassman Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Take care Stoty, I'll be thinking about you and your Mom.
bassman Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 If you're posting marital problems on a fishing board, you may want to reconsider your priorities bud. Good luck!
Stoty Posted June 11, 2008 Author Report Posted June 11, 2008 Actually I was looking on here for some advice from people who have gone through the same thing. MOST people who have replied to me have gone through it. So, I am glad I did because this is a community. We support each other. I have learned a few things from the replies as well. You might want to think about joining the community, not just the fishing board.
Dondorfish Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Actually I was looking on here for some advice from people who have gone through the same thing.MOST people who have replied to me have gone through it. So, I am glad I did because this is a community. We support each other. I have learned a few things from the replies as well. You might want to think about joining the community, not just the fishing board. Well said Stoty! Don
BillM Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 You can buy the self divorce kits at Staples or Office Place... $30 or so.
Tarzan's Jane Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 So sorry to hear about your Mom...but don't accept garbage...meaning, never accept the negative...put out some positive for your Mom... Regardless of what some may say about posting your private life...I've been there...and no matter how much positive you get...how much support, advice and just people who care...there will always be that one comment (negative) that kicks ya in the gut when you are already down.....just hold your head up and keep going..
bassman Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Sorry to hear about your mom. My family has been touched by that dreaded disease, including my mom, and my prayers are with you. In regards to my first post about the marital problems, let your conscience be your guide buddy.
Chris Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Hey Stoty, hope you get thru it man. Keep positive, we are slowly winning the fight against many forms of cancer. I'm sure your Mom will get the care she needs to pull thru.
1leggedangler Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 So sorry to hear about Mom and good luck with your personal situation. Wishing the best for you on both fronts. Sincerely, 1leg
ccmtcanada Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Sorry to hear the news on both fronts Stoty. Best wishes for favourable outcomes.
Victor Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Hang in there Stoty! Sorry to hear about your mother, don't give up though... "they think that it's not curable" doesn't mean that it is ... we're all here.
John Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 So sorry to hear about your Mom. I have been through it three times in the past two years, both my parents died from lung disease and my daughter is a cancer survivor. The only piece of advice that I can offer is to spend as much quality time with her as you can. Each day that passes you can never get back. My thoughts are with you..... I generally don't offer much advice on the marital front because there is always a high probability of being wrong. However, if there is one small thing that that worked for us for 34 years, through two kids and 5 grandkids, it is compromise. Barbara and I have very different ideas about a lot of things, but we recognise that and make allowances for it. I think that you need to determine first how you both feel about each other and whether the right reasons were there in the first place. If they weren't, then the solution is obvious and at your age and the fact that there are no kids involved things should be fairly simple as long as you both focus on the solution and not on screwing each other. If by some chance there is love to be salvaged then personally I would do whatever is necessary to try to work out whatever has changed between you. Best of luck Stoty, sometimes we have not seen eye to eye but PM me anytime if I can be of help. John........
rickster Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Sorry to hear the bad news on both fronts stoty Keep your chin up. Thoughts are with you and your mom Rick
steve_paul Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Stoty, been thru the divorce as we discussed and also the breast cancer with my mom. Hang in there and best wishes to your mom, yourself and your family in the fight she has in front of her.
Reef Runner Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 My best wishes and prayers are with you and your family. Your friend and team member, reefrunner
JohnAB Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Stoty, sorry to hear about your mom and your speration. I am just going thru a seperation after having just lost my dad to cancer as well. It is a tough go but as many have said on this board, stay positive, amicable with the ex and be there for your mom!
bassin Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Hi Stoty: I do not know whether you have child(ren) of marriage and whether you have a matrimonial home. Try to reach a Separation Agreement with your wife to settle down the following issues: (1) Custody of children. I would think that joint custody for children or split custody (if you have more than one child) is more appropriate and good for children. (2) Matrimonial home: either both of you sell it and split the net proceeds or one of you keeps the home with the other paying off his or her ½ share of the interest; (3) Division of net family property: it is my principle: we are men and shall give all we can to ladies. In such hardest time, men can go back to their hobbies like fishing, women are different. (4) Child support: it is based on the government table amount and basically no body can change the amount unless you can demonstrate that you have justified grounds. The table amount is calculated based on your annual income and what kind of custody that you have over the children. (5) Spousal support: waive them. After you reach the Agreement, the rest will be easy. Your wife and you can file a joint petition for divorce. The court will check upon the child support matters and if it is happy with it, court will issue the divorce judgment and you can then apply for divorce certificate. Talk to talk to a lawyer who may give you a free initial consultation. If you need a formal Separation Agreement sample, PM me.
ccmtcanada Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Hi Stoty: I do not know whether you have child(ren) of marriage and whether you have a matrimonial home. Try to reach a Separation Agreement with your wife to settle down the following issues: (1) Custody of children. I would think that joint custody for children or split custody (if you have more than one child) is more appropriate and good for children. (2) Matrimonial home: either both of you sell it and split the net proceeds or one of you keeps the home with the other paying off his or her ½ share of the interest; (3) Division of net family property: it is my principle: we are men and shall give all we can to ladies. In such hardest time, men can go back to their hobbies like fishing, women are different. (4) Child support: it is based on the government table amount and basically no body can change the amount unless you can demonstrate that you have justified grounds. The table amount is calculated based on your annual income and what kind of custody that you have over the children. (5) Spousal support: waive them. After you reach the Agreement, the rest will be easy. Your wife and you can file a joint petition for divorce. The court will check upon the child support matters and if it is happy with it, court will issue the divorce judgment and you can then apply for divorce certificate. Talk to talk to a lawyer who may give you a free initial consultation. If you need a formal Separation Agreement sample, PM me. Some good stuff in here...Stoty has already stated that there are no children involved, so based on your list, should make things much simpler. This is the law and paper side of it. It's the emotional side that the tough one....we're here for you Stoty.
beerman Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Stoty, I too have been down that road. It was about 6 years ago. I have 2 children . I knew our relationship was over for atleast a year before we divorsed. I tried to stick it out for the kids. Wow, that was very hard. But it ended. It was hard the first 3 months or so, but time moves on and you will too.. I get my kids every weekend. I coach my sons baseball team, so I see him 2-3 days a week. We never went to court for child custody. If I want my kids, all I do is call. We were bitter towards each other after our divorse, but now we are civil . Its not worth it... I am actually a happy single man right now...... Good luck and the Pens will see your wings nextt year.... peace
Jigger Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 Sorry to hear about your mom and the separation, man. Its not easy, but the sun still comes and goes each day and moreoften than not so will you. Like the majority have said, be civil. It sucks now, but in awhile, it may be the best thing for both of you and you'll thank each other for it in the end. Good luck man.
bassfighter Posted June 11, 2008 Report Posted June 11, 2008 (edited) TOO many divorce happening in North America. In other culture, people get married because they are commited to it first, and love comes afterwards. While in North America, people get married for many wrong reason and expectation, if they fall out of love, they don't need to stay married. Our society also promotes divorce for it is good for the economy. Everything is doubled from housing to cars to expenses. Avoid Divorce Lawyers if you can, or go to a mediator, this will save you a tons of money . Go to the net and search for a mediating lawyer. I do not know how long you were married for, but I survive the first 5 years of storm. My wife and I road it out, and it has been 17 years since we got married, and nothing can rock us again. We are very close today, and my wife knows that fishing and tennis is good for me, and I always appreciate her in everything she does for me. I still see my wife as being the same beautiful lady I first met her. I can say today that if one can ride out the storm , the sun is always shinning at the end of the dark clouds. Even if there are other physical beautiful women around, I would think twice about trading my wife just by mere charming women. Loving someone is a choice, wanting to love someone takes effort. We are all selfish human beings, and we love only things that are convenient to our lifestyle. We always Love for the wrong reason. We love junk food which is not good for us and we hate excercising for it takes hard work. Spiritual and Moral issues is not part of relationship building these days, our society believes that we can do anything we want and there are really no set guidelines on how to live the right way. Anything goes and there is no absolute right or wrong anymore. Marriage is just like any other business contract, in worse scenerio, we can file bankruptcy and still get protected by the law while others gets burned by some fraudulent action. In the old days before paper money or gold had existed as a means of payment, Someone is given the title a "Gentleman" for he has earned the rights to own a piece of land. Before he earned this title, he has to establish proper credit. A local grocery clerk will loan this person some seed for plantation, the farmer promise that once he has harvested his crops, he will in turn pay back number of times the seed that he had borrowed. Every transaction was through hand shake and word of honor. In a small town, good and bad reputation spread fast. After numerous successful transaction and can take years to accumulate. Others will vouch for this person and give the Title that this Gentleman is good for His word. A Gentleman is of the highest honor and the Title is earned. Their yes means yes and their no means no! I rode the storm because I promise to my wife, to our parents, to my God, for our future kids sake as being a good example, and my reputation as a Gentleman. It also take my wife and I to believe in the same values. It takes two to create unity, inspite of us being very much diverse. My wife is a city Gal and I am somewhat a country guy, but opposite do attract, it can work! I came from a third world country where many men are still the boss, while my wife was born in Toronto and she believes she can also be the boss. We both have to go through challenges in life to prove and disprove that no one is the boss, except God. Most women are generally a responder, what we thow at them, comes back at us. I also learned from other successful marriage that it is better to lose as many battles as we can afford, as long as we can win the war at the end. Edited June 11, 2008 by bassfighter
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