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8 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR KIDS FROM THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

DRIFTER_016

By DRIFTER_016
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DRIFTER_016 Imperial Angler

DRIFTER_016

Posted
Posted

A growing number of GTA parents are conflicted about how to broach the subject of the Toronto Maple Leafs with their children. The Leafs got off to their worst start in 25 years, winning just two of their first 14 games. Now, having only lost one of their last eight games in regular time, the Leafs are giving fans that slither of hope that they will so cruely rip from your grasp later in the season.

Toronto's long-term exposure to what experts are calling "just real bad hockey" is taking its toll. Children who watch the Leafs regularly experience an overall drop in their happiness levels, with many exhibiting symptoms of nihilism and the "all-the-time-sad". And when parents confront their kids about their poor grades, many are met with, "I'm not failing, I'm just losing the right way," a quote they attribute to coach Mike Babcock.

A recent report out of Ryerson confirmed that watching the Leafs for an hour a week had detrimental effects on a child’s overall wellbeing. The report explains, “Research has shown that when a child is shown footage of the Toronto Maple Leafs the same areas of the child's brain light up as when we showed them a dramatization of a puppy being sucked up into a propeller engine.”

Child psychologist Dr. Jack Storey offers these pointers to parents:

1. Emphasize it’s not their fault

Kids who turn on a Leafs game without supervision will often become confused when they see the puck fly so relentlessly into the Leafs’ net over and over and over again. They will internalize the negative feelings this conjures. It is important to hug them and calmly explain, “No sweetheart. This isn’t your fault. It’s Burke and Ferguson and Nonis and Shanahan’s fault. And Phaneuf’s a little bit, too.”

 

2. Help build your child's self-esteem

Watching the Leafs on a regular basis can erode your child's self-confidence and even cause depression. Try to encourage them to make healthier decisions with their free time, such as reading, playing outside, or watching the Montreal Canadiens.

 

3. Look for “teachable moments”

When the Leafs falter, take a moment to explain what went wrong and what the Leafs could’ve done to avoid the mistake. Take a moment to get down to their eye level and firmly tell them, “Phaneuf is too slow to have pinched there,” or “Jon Bernier doesn’t know who Nelson Mandela is because he’s a big dumb idiot.”

 

4. Monitor their social networking

Tell them that punctuating their tweets with #LeafsNation or #Phaneuf4Prez is something that has the potential to negatively impact future employment opportunities or their ability to run for public office one day.

 

5. Talk to your child about the joys of living without the Leafs

Emphasize how good she feels when she isn’t choosing Leafs players for her hockey pool. Point out to her how existentially nourished she feels when she’s not looking at the Leafs organizational depth chart. Help her to be responsible for her own well being.

 

6. Be specific about the science

Help your kids understand what is happening in their bodies chemically when they watch the Leafs. Explain to them that their dopamine levels are directly affected by each failed power play breakout, or each time Glenn Healey says, “See, Reimer just has to make that save”.

 

7. Walk them through their hockey dysmorphia

Being constantly inundated by bad hockey can cause hockey dysmorphia. Kids will become completely unhinged and lose their grasp of what hockey is supposed to look like. Be patient with them, but firm when explaining, “No sweetheart, these ducks couldn’t sweep the Leafs in four. They’re just eating the bread we’re feeding them.”

 

8. Discourage them from spending too much time in the basement

Studies have shown that kids who identify as part of “Leafs Nation” are 20 times more likely to be afflicted with a vitamin D deficiency and a fear of direct sunlight. Try to keep them above ground as much as possible.

 

mr blizzard Fishing Icon

mr blizzard

Posted
Posted

Dave thx for lighting up people viewing this board I know what your intentions were here, you rock,,live love laugh. that was my 90 year old mothers advice after talking to her yesterday in Woodbridge, words I will cherish

misfish Imperial Angler

misfish

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm afraid to see where they are in the standings. Just can't get myself to look. Last time I think they where 4th from the bottom.

 

 

REBUILDING

 

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As of Sunday, November 22, 2015 4:02:24 PM EST
EASTERN CONFERENCE

Atlantic GP W L OTL SOL Pts GF GA HOME AWAY

Montreal 21 15 4 1 1 32 74 48 8-2-1-0 7-2-0-1

Ottawa 20 10 5 2 3 25 61 57 5-3-1-3 5-2-1-0

Detroit 21 11 8 2 0 24 49 52 5-5-1-0 6-3-1-0

Tampa Bay 22 10 9 1 2 23 53 50 5-4-0-1 5-5-1-1

Boston 19 10 8 1 0 21 62 56 4-6-1-0 6-2-0-0

Florida 20 8 8 3 1 20 54 53 5-4-2-0 3-4-1-1

Buffalo 20 8 10 1 1 18 43 55 4-6-1-0 4-4-0-1

Toronto 21 7 10 1 3 18 48 58 3-4-1-1 4-6-0-2

Edited by Brian B
moxie Fishing Icon

moxie

Posted
Posted

My son is a Blackhawk fan and my daughter is a Pens fan so they'll be just fine. As for those who's kids are leaf fans,oh well,I guess the world needs some of those poor louts.

SirCranksalot All Knowing Angler

SirCranksalot

Posted
Posted (edited)

I get a chuckle out of folks who identify themselves as Leaf fans and then act surprised and offended at the abuse flung their way!! :lol::rolleyes: Nothing like walking around with a target on your back!!! :unsure:

Edited by SirCranksaLot

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