~~For those that don't know about history

[oldphart]

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

 

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalysts for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

 

1 . Liberals

2. Conservatives.

 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

 

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

 

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

 

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

 

 

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

 

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare..

 

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

 

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,

athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

 

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

 

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

 

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

 

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

 

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

 

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer.

[Remastered]

Deer, mountains, women, beer, false evolution theories

[mercman]

I CANT HAVE BEER ANYMORE, SO I'M GONNA GET SOME WIMINS.

[kman]

Interesting

[kickingfrog]

Good thing I already know about history.

[Remastered]

[blue pickeral]

Find it curious that a bunch of so called US conservatives would call themselves "The Tea Party". Seems a little 'Hansel and Gretal' to me.

[Cast-Away]

That was a great start to my day! Now I know where women came from.

Thanks for the laugh as I forward this on to other conservatives!

[Dave Bailey]

Find it curious that a bunch of so called US conservatives would call themselves "The Tea Party". Seems a little 'Hansel and Gretal' to me.

 

And if they found out that the original Boston Tea Party was committed as a protest over LOWER taxes they would be mortified!

[Skipper D]

By god oldfart , you've got them believing the story is true .

[Rizzo]

other than the evolution stuff pretty hard to argue with a lot of that. Its funny because its true

[Fishnwire]

It's incorrect because it assumes conservatives are capable of evolving. By their very nature, they are not. They're too busy trying to "conserve" the way of life they enjoy, by opposing things like the abolition of human slavery, the full inclusion of 50% of our population into society, and segregation based on the colour of one's skin, ethnic background or religious beliefs. Maybe not today's conservatives...but yesterday's. The thing is...today's conservatives will one day look as backwards as yesterday's. The history of social conservatism is nothing but opposition to positive human evolution. If it wasn't for progressives (call them liberals if you wish) that came along and changed the way we think about those types of things, there would have been little point in bothering to evolve past the point of being simple hunter-gatherers.

[John Bacon]

It's incorrect because it assumes conservatives are capable of evolving. By their very nature, they are not. They're too busy trying to "conserve" the way of life they enjoy, by opposing things like the abolition of human slavery, the full inclusion of 50% of our population into society, and segregation based on the colour of one's skin, ethnic background or religious beliefs. Maybe not today's conservatives...but yesterday's. The thing is...today's conservatives will one day look as backwards as yesterday's. The history of social conservatism is nothing but opposition to positive human evolution. If it wasn't for progressives (call them liberals if you wish) that came along and changed the way we think about those types of things, there would have been little point in bothering to evolve past the point of being simple hunter-gatherers.

 

The Democrats fought to keep slavery while the Republicans fought to end it. Canadian women were granted the right to vote while Conservative Sir Robert Borden was Prime Minister. So I would question your assumptions about conservatives.

Edited October 30, 2011 by JohnBacon

[Dave Bailey]

The Democrats fought to keep slavery while the Republicans fought to end it. Canadian women were granted the right to vote while Conservative Sir Robert Borden was Prime Minister. So I would question your assumptions about conservatives.

 

Because when used in politics the words 'liberal' and 'conservative' are merely names and not necessarily philosophies. Yes, decades ago the American Democrats were the conservatives and the Republicans were the liberals, but times change. Going back to the founding of America it can't be denied that the Constitution was a very progressive document for its time, as were many of the 'founding fathers'. As a measure of how quickly things change, by comparison to the current Republicans Barry Goldwater would be considered a flaming liberal.

[Fishnwire]

I never used the words "Democrat" or "Republican", nor did I ever capitalize the word "conservative". Small "C" conservatives of whatever era they exist in (regardless of what they call themselves) stand in the way of the kind of social progress I mentioned. They don't do so successfully for very long, but that is what they're all about.

[Dave Bailey]

Small "C" conservatives of whatever era they exist in (regardless of what they call themselves) stand in the way of the kind of social progress I mentioned. They don't do so successfully for very long, but that is what they're all about.

 

While I would be considered by many to be very liberal, I have no problem with proper conservatism. Think of it as a check on unfettered progress, the kind that could get us into trouble if allowed to run rampant. Science employs both liberalism and conservatism very well, in fact it can't work unless both are in balance.

[mbosh1980]

I thought the original post was the dumbest crap I ever read, and then I read fishNwire's response...

[Guest ThisPlaceSucks]

what an ignorant post the OP made. i don't see how this thread survives the mods discretion.

[Dave Bailey]

what an ignorant post the OP made. i don't see how this thread survives the mods discretion.

 

Well it won't if we keep ramping it up. But it could lead to a peaceful and respectful discussion if we let it.

[mbosh1980]

*edit- not worth it

Edited October 30, 2011 by Bosh

[Roy]

This barge is about to capsize.

[Cookslav]

I dunno...I found it funny

Seems to have been made a Little complicated for no particular reason, but then again its political so....go figure

[aplumma]

Sleepy time for this it was meant as a joke but it went serious.

 

Nighty night.

 

 

Art