Guest mistyriver1 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity...A few funny ones... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.... 3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 6. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 8. Is there another word for synonym? 9. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 10. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 13. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 14. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 15. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 16. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 17. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 18. One nice thing about egotists: They don`t talk about other people. 19. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 20. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 21. How is it possible to have a civil war? 22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? 26. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 27. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 28. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
urbanangler1990 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 HAHA those are great, im sooo saving them
lew Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 Lots to ponder there Jim ......but to continue ....... Why do we drive on a parkway, yet park in a driveway ??
urbanangler1990 Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 (edited) hahah Lew... these are boggling my mind lol Edited January 25, 2007 by urbanangler1990
ccmtcanada Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 Hilarious!!!! Here are some more.... Why does the 7-11 have locks on the doors if they are open 24/7? Why is there braille on drive thru bank machines?
fishindevil Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 THATS A GOOD ONE GUYS.....AND CLIFF YOU GOT THAT RIGHT...LOL... THATS TO FUNNY CHEERS
blaque Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 Theres no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
walleyejigger Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 very funny, things that make u go hmmmmmm....... had to copy and email that out to a few ppl.
Fisherman Posted January 25, 2007 Report Posted January 25, 2007 26. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? Probably 'cause it has to do with "hemo", blood leaking out, otherwise if it was assteroids, well maybe your butt would fall out and then you'd be in a bad situation.
John Bacon Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 Why is evaporated milk still a liquid? Why does Superman let bullets bounce off is chest but duck when the "bad guy" throughs the empty gun at him?
nautifish Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 And now for something a little different....lol An Italian conversation A bus stops, and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," sputters the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'ma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi."
Roy Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 One of my best buds on the board sent me this one a coupla days ago. Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear, Newfoundland when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's. The doctor looked at Johnny and said, "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do." Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers." " What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers? Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2006! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new! Why didn't you bring da fingers?" Johnny says .. (Are you ready for this?????) "How da f___ was I suppose to pick dem up??
nautifish Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 LOL ROY. AND NOW FOR ANOTHER......LOL A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
SlowPoke Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
lew Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 Hey Roy, it's a good thing I didn't read your story earlier today as I just spent the last hour running wood thru the table saw. You woulda scared me away from the tackle box I'm building
tjsa Posted January 27, 2007 Report Posted January 27, 2007 These are all good, but one I liked was a post by Roy in a thread a few months back.................................. "and while you're at it, can you tell me why the word monosyllabic has five syllables? It's been bothering me all night." LOL!!!!!
John Bacon Posted January 29, 2007 Report Posted January 29, 2007 If a blank DVD costs 20 cents (I recently bought 100 for $20) and a blank VHS tape costs $2.50; why does a movie on DVD cost more than a movie on VHS?
glirw Posted January 29, 2007 Report Posted January 29, 2007 A man and a woman used to live in front of a cemetery, now they live in front of their house.
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