Nailbiters. (nf)

[Moosebunk]

thanks

Edited July 24, 2008 by Moosebunk

[Sandbag]

Well....you certainly are a tough one Bunk..lol

 

I believe that most kids bite them subconsciously and don't even really realize they are doing it.

 

I've heard about something that you can get at the drug store to put on her fingers that tastes repulsive.

 

Maybe if you were to try it and give her an "assist", she might kick it. I've never tried it, just heard about it

 

Good luck with it.

 

Cheers

 

Craig

[Zamboni]

My father is a nailbiter... I'm a nailbiter... even my bother has taken the odd nip at his nails. I wished my dad kicked the habit out of me when I was a kid, but... he didn't. He just offered $10 a finger when I was 10 and I asked if I could just stop biting one hand but he was on to me and said all or nuthin. I couldn't do it... and before long I was making $100 a week packing groceries anyways. Haha Dad... I win. (no not really)

 

Now I have two girls and they too could have the family habit.

 

My youngest started biting but I scared her enough to stop and she hasn't bit now in months.

 

My oldest has control as she will not bite when I'm around but, when at school, out of site in play and even around her mother she'll bite. My thinking is, if she can stop herself from biting around me, she can stop period.

 

A month or so back I laid down the law. Told her no bike for two weeks unless at next inspection I was satisfied. If she didn't stop by that time I would cancel all parties (her own and all her little friends birthday parties she goes to in the summer... which seems almost weekly), but, that if come August she did not stop, I would put the ki-bosh on ole' Mickey Mouse Floridian plans for 2009 as well. Yeah... I'm tough. Today under some suspicion I check her nails. She's biting for sure but I get the "mom just trimmed my nails," defense to which I reply, "I know nailbiting kiddo, and these one's here are definitely bitten. You are still biting your nails aren't you???" "Yeah, but just a little bit," she says.

 

Seems my wife is in the know, or I at least believe she's been putting this under wraps because, my daughter's birthday party is in 3 days. I've been deceived by both of them, a ploy to ensure that my sneaky daughter who did not follow through gets the satisfaction of a ninth birthday party... including gifts. My wife is the softy and so that's often why together we can find a middle ground. But, this time there's no middle ground, my daughter failed knowing the repercussions of her actions yet my wife is letting her completely off the hook. And, now we're almost at August as well... the big decision on wether or not it's nails vs Mickey.

 

Any thoughts on this???

 

Maybe buy the kids some cigarettes-that would keep their little fingers busy.

[canadianboy]

sorry man but let them bite im was bitting my nails as i was reading this thread and i didnt even know what it was about. once you start theres seriously no chance because you subquensly do it. its like a quater back licking his fingers the only guy to ever break the habit was doug flutie by wearing gloves and taping them to his wrist. he only had to do this because his wide recievers were getting the flu and colds because his saliva would get on the ball. anyways if you want your kids to stop that bad put some salt on their nails when their asleep ot put tape over their nails.

[setomonkey]

That's a tough one. Your daughter knew the rules, but missing her own birthday party seems like a harsh consequence for still biting her nails. How about she gets probation on her own birthday, but she does miss her friends' parties, which shows that you mean business. And then there's the big one of missing Disney next year if she's still biting by August...

 

Mike

[canadianboy]

or how about you just let her have her own party and then instead of you and your family getting her a gift pool your money together and donate it to a worthy cause one she wont like that at first but in a few years she might think that was an awesome gift and its better than getting some toy or item that will be used for a couple of months then put aside. it may sound stupid to you but not to me and you could get a tax recipt if you donate to chrity or you could donate it to another worthy cause like my boat fund

[Tarzan's Jane]

Well....those are HUGE consequences...what could you possibly come up with when 'real trouble' happens...as you well know, she is not doing this to spite you, you in some ways gave her 'your problem' and now you want to take a tough love stance on it...I just don't agree with the consequences.

 

So...I've been thinking of some possibilities...take a favourite toy away for a couple of days....let her know that she'll never be permitted to wear nail-polish due to the possibility of being poisoned (I think it's okay to exaggerate this one a bit)...perhaps go on-line and see if you can find some 'gross pics' of infection caused by biting (not sure as I have never been a nail biter)...

 

If your threats aren't working...relax...start off small with the consequences not full blown out hard line ones which will leave you no room to negotiate and this will not only frustrate you but her as well...

 

Have a chat with your family physician...they may have some ideas..

 

Good Luck....but do relax with her

[Tarzan's Jane]

Sorry....one more thing and likely the most important....rewards work better. Suggestion....start a chart with her...if she manages to get through even half the day without nibbling, then give her a star or whatever sticker you want to use...(I use to get the kids to draw a happy face)...at the end of the week you count the happy faces and the sad faces...if there are more happy faces then she gets a treat...could be Dairy Queen...could be a movie...whatever works...but rewards do WORK.

[Greencoachdog]

You don't really want to be that kind of hypocrite do ya 'Bunk? If you're still biting your nails, she learned it from you most likely... and imitating someone she loves, respects, and admires!

 

Punishment is not the way! It will only make her more determined... she'll show you! Rewarding would be better... much better!

 

If you couldn't stop, how do you expect her to? The not biting while you're around prolly takes a lot of will power for her, and having a good chew is prolly one of the first things she does when she's out of your sight. There are people with Turret Syndrome that have learned to control it while out in public, but as soon as they're alone...

 

I say keep up the fear factor to a certain extent, but don't punish her! Wait until you find something she really wants that is borderline out of the question... then use that as the dangling carrot, but not the Disney trip if it has already been spoken about and promised.

 

This is just my $.02

Edited July 24, 2008 by Greencoachdog

[John]

sorry man but let them bite im was bitting my nails as i was reading this thread and i didnt even know what it was about. once you start theres seriously no chance because you subquensly do it. its like a quater back licking his fingers the only guy to ever break the habit was doug flutie by wearing gloves and taping them to his wrist. he only had to do this because his wide recievers were getting the flu and colds because his saliva would get on the ball. anyways if you want your kids to stop that bad put some salt on their nails when their asleep ot put tape over their nails.

 

Sorry cb but this is absolute bollocks! I bit my fingernails raw until my mid teens. I was so embarrased when I started dating I stopped.

 

 

I agree with Twilight that the reward system works much better than the punishment.

 

How about quitting as a family? If I can do it you can do it approach?

[JohnF]

I bit my fingernails until I was a young adult, and then one day I just stopped. I'm not certain what caused it but I suspect at least a part of it was seeing a view thru a microscope of the nasty gnarly little bits and mites that are stuck to our skin and under our fingernails. It may have been on a tv show about the stuff that lives in our carpets and other everyday things that we are in contact with. It made an impression. To this day I'm hard pressed even to nibble at a hangnail or a split nail.

 

Instead of trying to pressure the kids into quitting, why not let 'em see what they're really chewing on?

 

JF

[Daplumma]

I am a plumber so nail biting is not an option.That being said...Do you really want to die on that hill with your daughter?I was real tough on my daughter about stuff like picking up her room and finishing her dinner when she was young.Things change and kids work stuff out.I would get real worked up about stuff and looking back(she is 26 now)it was all small stuff,mice nuts!The amount of wasted energy trying to bend her to my will just drove a wedge between us that took a while to straighten out when she was in her teens.We are all good now but you have to pick your battles for sure.

Joe

[John]

I am a plumber so nail biting is not an option.That being said...Do you really want to die on that hill with your daughter?I was real tough on my daughter about stuff like picking up her room and finishing her dinner when she was young.Things change and kids work stuff out.I would get real worked up about stuff and looking back(she is 26 now)it was all small stuff,mice nuts!The amount of wasted energy trying to bend her to my will just drove a wedge between us that took a while to straighten out when she was in her teens.We are all good now but you have to pick your battles for sure.

Joe

 

Great advice Joe. I had something very similar going with my daughter in her early teens. It's amazing how you look back and realize just how much "small stuff" we really sweated unnecessarily.

[Moosebunk]

Thanks for the input folks.

Edited July 24, 2008 by Moosebunk

[Tarzan's Jane]

Never give up...just try a different approach...the behaviour modification stuff I suggested is worth the try.

All the best...

[pigeonfisher]

Read the book The Spirited Child if you haven't.

 

Regardless of the specific situation you are working through, you may find it insightful as to why YOU deal with situations in your life a certain way and why you and your children have a hard time finding the same page.

 

It has been helpful for me and the Wee Coop. Life has become better for both of us.

[Leecher]

Dont know what age is your oldest but don't be so harsh on her. I'm a parent too and have a 12 year old... trust me they do try to get the household rule bend a little to their favour. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

My daughter knows where I stand on certain issues and don't think she takes any chances on crossing it and that is good. My worry is somewhat later when the boys come into play and that my friend, don't know how I will handle it yet but when it comes, will react. Birthdays and family trips are so precious....Please don't make her feel that she is the culprit by failing to a house rule.

 

My 2 cents

Leechman

[jwl]

whupp em...whupp em all good and hard, and while you are at it come on over my place and whupp my kids too

 

Ah remember the days of being sent to a sitter when you where a kid and mom would leave ya there with the warning that if you weren't good, they where allowed to spank ya too

 

naw just kidding but if ya really wanna come over and beat my kids too that cool with me , I am just kidding really but know where you are coming from I have 3 daughters...14...13...and 5 and they sure have thier moments for sure.

 

As for a "habit" like that...well we all know it's hard to break habits...some of us smoke, and may get nagged from the wife and or kids about that....some of us like to have a few wobblies ect...and as grown ups we know that some habits are hard to break.

 

As for the nail biting thing...if it becomes to the piont where they are making themselves bleed, getting infected or whatever then you should point that out I am sure...vist the doc or something. I am sure you can get some stuff from the doc that is harmless but tatses really bad...my Aunt had to do something simular for my cousin when we where kids...he sucked his thumb even when he was like 10 to the point it would get raw...my Aunt tried taping it up ect..and finally went to the doc and got some stuff, and that seemed to work.

 

If one of the worst things your kids are doing right now is biting thier nails...you arel ucky man..lol

[wallyboss]

Moose I stopped my daughter from biting her fingers and it didn't take long. I got a plastic bag and went out to get some dirt. Then everytime I saw her biting her nails I would take the bag out and stuck her fingers in the bag. (while she was screaming her head off) The trick is to tell them that it's chicken poop in the bag and not say that its just dirt. Within a week she was done with the nail biting. And that was about 10 years ago and she hasn't picked up the habit again. I was lucky that my neighbour had chickens at that time so it was a bit more believable.

[Moosebunk]

Thanks again for all the replies. I've cooled down some about this. I love this girl to death and both of them really are angels. She has one toy coming to her for her birthday that I may hold over her head for a week or two and see what happens. Other than that, I may try the chicken poop or nothing at all.

[Rich]

My dad put super hot sauce on my fingertips that stopped me

[Bly]

Been there Moosebunk. Will try and keep this brief. You are not just trying to break a bad habit, you are attempting to change a "coping technique". The same support and encouragement that one needs to quit smoking is needed here and sometimes a helpful aid. Punishments tend to increase the frequency of the habit and encourage hiding and even lying.

 

When my oldest was younger, she was a nail biter. I was able to purchase a product that was developed for thumb sucking (nasty tasting stuff in the equivalent of clear nail polish..does not wash off easily) as a deterrent. To assist the coping side of things, she needed something else to do with her hands that was subtle, a worry stone was perfect.

 

We talked and agreed upon ways to measure her progress (eg I could see bits of white on each nail etc.) Each time she met that goal, there was a small reward. I still remember the first 2..a coloring book and then her very own bottle of polish as she finally had some nails Even as her nails were growing out, I continued to apply the thumb stop (think that was the name) for awhile, the simple act of applying it seemed to help her and as with any habit, takes more than a few weeks to truly break it. Amanda now has beautiful healthy nails.

 

Your ultimatum. Always followed through with my ultimatums for all the obvious reasons but one day I realized something..sometimes my ultimatums were too much. I learned that it is ok to admit it to your child and attack the problem from a different direction. I would still do something about the deception.."2 wrongs don't make a right" thing.

 

Ok, so it wasn't so brief lol I hope that you are able to help her no matter what you decide.

[Greencoachdog]

I like the idea of quitting together, the Thumb Stop will fit your fingers too!

 

The whole idea of "I can bite mine but you can't bite yours" just doesn't seem like a very good example.

Edited July 24, 2008 by Greencoachdog