danc Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Hey, just for fun. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. What are "Do It," "I can help," and "I can't get enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Peter, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisherman Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Great retorts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motv8tr Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's scary that I do remember them, they were hilarious!!! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Yes, I remember and can actually picture every one of those and hear how those folks spoke those lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
setomonkey Posted December 6, 2006 Report Share Posted December 6, 2006 Paul Lynde was a funny guy, actually made watching the show wortwhile back then... Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cast-Away Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 great memories, thanks Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
setomonkey Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 wait a minute, "old timer" Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 Gilbert Godfrey was asked to name which of the world's animals had the largest eyes of all. His answer was "Marlon Brando at a buffet". Funny post!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 it was always entertaining... but they were given the questions well before the show and they or their writers would write the reply and it would be well practiced before it was shot doesn't make it less funny but.....I think it makes the people less funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 Even though rehersed and scripted, it still was some superior entertainment in comparison to todays flood of mindless laugh-tracked sitcoms. Dan, thanks for the laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dustink Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 Some funny stuff there! Thanks for the laugh. dk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lew Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 A funny line from George Burns, when asked why he only dated young gorgeous girls, and never any women his own age, he said "he had no choice but to date young girls, because there weren't any women left that were his age" I never watched Hollywood Squares, so I don't know if it came from there or not, but old George always broke me up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 great lines. That's a great laugh for today. Geez am I getting old??????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Clemens Posted December 7, 2006 Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 Those truly are some classics. Yeah don't hear those kind of responses any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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