Cookslav Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 "hypothetical" question.... If one is to Plan & Promote their own stag and doe....is that cooth? Cause to me it comes across wrong?....kinda like a cash grab. I always thought it was the duty of the wedding party, or family and it is "supposed" to be a surprise? If one is to cancel their Wedding reception and decide to go away and have a destination wedding while continueing to plan and promote their own stag & doe.....is THAT cooth??? Cause to me its reeeeeeely tacky? Is the stag and doe not supposed to offset the price of a wedding RECEPTION???? Now... If this "hypothetical" couple were already living together....for the past 5 years(AKA common law) And you happen to know they have $6000 in cash saved towards the wedding, Mom and Pops gave them $2500....from BOTH sides so they now have $10,000 sitting in an account for a down payment is it still cooth to Plan & Promote your own Stag & Doe after canceling the wedding recpetion in place of a Destination wedding????? Am I just plain old fashin or would this situation rub any of you the wrong way???? Cause "hypotheticaly" speaking if this was my brother....saying something, or not attending is walking a dangerous line in the department of Family dynamics
Canuck2fan Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 Nothing is forbidden these days when it comes to that crap it seems. I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't attend either...
Guest ThisPlaceSucks Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 i thought the idea was either to defray wedding costs or to start their new life with a little bit of a monetary buffer... what they are doing is probably a little tacky, but so is complaining about it publically. i know in planning my wedding i hated to be told i had to do any part of it "traditionally".
Radnine Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 In my opinion you are correct, it is a cash grab. How old are they, because that is another factor. If they are established thirty-somethings they should be letting everyone (mom & dad included) off the hook. I mean if you want to throw something when you get back, knowing full well that some people will send well wishes in the form of cash, that might be another thing all together (and by throw something I mean have people over for a drink or a welcome home party where booze and snacks are provided)but anything that you charge a fee to attend is a no-no for anyone over 25. Just my opinion. Jim
Cookslav Posted February 27, 2011 Author Report Posted February 27, 2011 what they are doing is probably a little tacky, but so is complaining about it publically. Make no mistake...I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm the only one who thinks Stag & does have an etiqutte? I always thought there was, but what do I know? I'm not judging but I come from a world where you meet, marry, move in, have kids....thats the prefered order LOL! But then again I was raised Catholic, but I am more then aware the world has a lotta differnt ways of doing things. But to me a stag and doe was pretty strait forward in its purpose....yes...no???
Cookslav Posted February 27, 2011 Author Report Posted February 27, 2011 How old are they, because that is another factor. If they are established thirty-somethings they should be letting everyone (mom & dad included) off the hook. Turning 30 this year, fully licensed welder and established...
alphaalpha Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 Quite honestly it sounds like a dirty cash grab to me. It's purpose is most certainly to pay for/offset the costs of the wedding. To cancel the reception and do a destination wedding and still have a stag is quite unethical in my opinion. I guess I could see that someone might throw one just because it is part of the wedding experience and yes they are lots of fun. Even if you didn't really NEED the money. But to do this and then ask people to spend an arm and leg as well as their own vacation time to come to your destination wedding is about as ugly a thing to do for a wedding as I can think of.
Roy Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 Not a big deal. If you don't like it and others don't care for it either...they will have learned a lesson. I wouldn't let it bother me...not enough to type about it at least.
misfish Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 Just have a stag and have does come in.Now yer talking about cash.LOL
Tom McCutcheon Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 At my stag (42 years ago this summer) we played poker, watched movies and had a peeler. It was a great time. As far as money towards our future lives together, I ended up with cab fare home.......cause my best man was in no shape to drive. I did not expect or want any of my friends to pay my way. Things are different now and people have different priorities. Tom.
scugpg Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) I think raising money for a wedding publicly is taboo...particularly self-promoting it! Good on you for questioning it! Edited February 27, 2011 by scugog
BUSTER Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 I think the destination wedding is a bunch of bull. have a wedding then stag and doe ,then hit the airport. But that's just me. I surely wouldn't expect family to come up with the dough to travel somewhere, let alone have grandma and pops take a plane. very Inconsiderate.
Cookslav Posted February 27, 2011 Author Report Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) Just have a stag and have does come in.Now yer talking about cash.LOL I wouldn't let it bother me...not enough to type about it at least. Easier said then done my freind...If I don't go I'm more or less ostersized LOL It just principle to me & not really a huge deal. I Just thought it was an intersting topic that 99% of us will deal with at one point or another. And during the Winternet season...why not discuss Edited February 27, 2011 by Cookslav
Burtess Posted February 27, 2011 Report Posted February 27, 2011 All the stag and does that I have been too were far from "cash grabs". Charging $10 to get in and you end up having a nice party and a buffet at 11pm, thats not such a bad deal. My wife and I had a very large stag and doe in the local bar (was one heck of a party!!) and really made very little money from it. The purpose was to have a good time. This is what I have experienced with other stag and does as well. So I see no problem with having one and then having a wedding somewhere else (who really wants to go to the wedding anyway????).... Burt
crappieperchhunter Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 I think the destination wedding is a bunch of bull. have a wedding then stag and doe ,then hit the airport. But that's just me. I surely wouldn't expect family to come up with the dough to travel somewhere, let alone have grandma and pops take a plane. very Inconsiderate. I agree 100%. I think it is very inconsiderate to have a destination wedding...unless of course you are footing the bill for everyone you want to be there to attend.
Cookslav Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Posted February 28, 2011 All the stag and does that I have been too were far from "cash grabs". Charging $10 to get in and you end up having a nice party and a buffet at 11pm I guess we've had some polar opposite experiences doing the same thing I've never been to a Stag & Doe that didn't raise less then $2G's one I personally ran as part of the wedding party raised $4800 But in all cases that money went directly to a wedding reception for 100+ people so.... It seemed like money well spent/earned.
smally21 Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 stag and does are just a great time - who cares what they are for. and its usually a good deal, 10 or so to get in, cheap drinks you know. cheaper then a bar night. you're never gonna live it down if you boycott your own brothers wedding events for whatever reason. why dont you just go, drink too much and put away yout judges robes in favor of a lampshade.
BillM Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 The whole point of a stag and doe is to make money for the wedding. So why wouldn't the bride and groom promote it? lol
Cookslav Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Posted February 28, 2011 The whole point of a stag and doe is to make money for the wedding. So why wouldn't the bride and groom promote it? lol Touche, Except they are not just promoting it, they planned it and are running it.....With out the wedding party LOL! I'm in that party ... Or atleast I was before the wedding reception was cancelled in leu of the destination wedding. Now there is no wedding party LOL...Just him and his best man.
Roy Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 Just him and his best man. Is that legal now?
bigugli Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 Almost as tacky as getting married after 10 years of living common-law and sending a list of acceptable gift suggestions to your guests and family whether they were invited or not.
Billy Bob Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 I never heard of a stag and doe party here....so I am guessing it's a fun raiser to pay for the wedding ... ..if so VERY TACKY IMHO ! Here the "tradition" is the women hold a bridle shower for the lady who's getting married and she recieves household gifts, like a toaster, blender, etc.... and the guys throw a stag party to get the groom drunk and it's usually includes a stripper...it's a last hurra for the groom and this stag party is planned by the best man....tickets are sold to pay for all the expenses involved in the party, not a money maker for the groom. A lot of pressure on the best man to out do any other stag party you may have attended. The wedding traditionally is paid for by the brides parents, HOWEVER the grooms parents pay for ALL the booze consumed at the reception. Most people give a wedding card full of cash to get the lucky newly weds started off. But traditions have been flushed down the toilet in recent years....you see it OK for them to offend you, but don't you dare offend them... Bottom line I was ALWAYS taught the wedding is the BRIDE'S DAY and what she wants goes. The groom and the rest of you are just along for the ride.
fish_fishburn Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 Stag and Doe parties are for pussy-whipped grooms to be, in my opinion. When my kid brother got married I put on a stag party for him that he will never forget. We played poker, lots to eat, a keg of beer. Most of the boys from our hockey team showed up and after my brother was half lit we made him put his goalie gear on and took shots on him. Was way to funny. Everything was free from me but the boys donated cash and my bro was given about 750 bucks. We didn't tell any of the gals where the party was taking place because they were determined to crash it. If I get invited to stag and doe parties there is usually a ticket purchase involved. I buy the ticket and usually don't bother going. Rather be out fishing.
bubbles Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 I say the point of the S&D is to raise money to help offset the cost of the wedding, they are still getting married and it costs lots fo money to do so, my guess will be more than $10,000. As for the non reception, I always consider part of the wedding gift as offsetting the cost of the reception. I see nothing wring with any of it.
wallacio Posted February 28, 2011 Report Posted February 28, 2011 Stag and Doe parties are somewhat of a local phenomenon...especially in SW Ontario. I grew up in KW and they are the norm there, especially in the rural farming communities to the west. As stated previously, their primary function is to raise money for the bride and groom for when they start their new life together and they are often aggressively promoted...I've even heard them being advertised on local radio stations.
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