Can't help you with the shipping but I thought you might enjoy this:
TURPENTINE VS HOLY WATER
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine,shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'You take some of this turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson.'