The Rules

[Daplumma]

I dare you to print this out and leave it on the table.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.Finally ,the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

 

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.See a doctor.

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

 

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[Terry]

hell, I have that printed on a Tshirt and wear it all the time

[easton13th]

Wife laughed BUT I don't think it was a laugh because she thought it was funny. BUT she laughed who am I to try to interpret.

[irishfield]

hell, I have that printed on a Tshirt and wear it all the time

 

Yah...but only when you're on a fishing trip and she doesn't see it !

[GbayGiant]

I've never thought of the toilet seat one before, makes a lot of sense to me.

[Rich Clemens]

Yeah right ... as if that will get me very far. But ..... it does make perfect sense to me.

[Greencoachdog]

1. The clothes don't make you look fat... the fat makes you look fat!!!

[POLLIWOGG]

I got one of those "wife said she'd leave me if I go hunting, I'm sure going to miss her "shirts .My buddy's wife made him give it to me!

[Clampet]

I'm the BOSS, so I make up my own rules as I see fit.

Nice huh?

Feels good to be a MAN!

[huey graphite]

I've seen this list numerous times and the most important one is always left off......

 

1) If you don't want the genie to come out, don't rub the lamp!

[Bly]

Too funny!

 

Years ago a male friend and I shared an apartment and the "toliet" rule was mentioned and he had a valid point.

 

When Cliff and I first started dating, he informed me that there were a few things I should know...

1. He does NOT notice shoes, purses and haircuts etc.

2. Never ask him about my clothes.

 

bly

[Terry]

hey..I wear the pants around my house

 

 

 

 

 

when I finish the laundry................

 

he's the man song

[Joey]

Quote:

 

"The only way for a relationship to work between a man and a woman

is if, on a fundamental level, the man is scared s__tess by his wife."

 

DUSTIN HOFFMAN

[Roy]

I'm the BOSS, so I make up my own rules as I see fit.

Nice huh?

Feels good to be a MAN!

 

 

So the operation was a success, Jed?

[ishingchippy]

Well the last time I checked I'm a girl and that just made me laugh my bloody head off