N/F - Two ways of greeting people this time of year

[carp-starter]

The narrative below is not my creation. The author is Coulee fishin who started a thread on a fly tying forums site that I belong to. I am posting it because it was and is humourous.

 

carp-starter

 

 

To my Liberal friends,

 

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an

environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive,

gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within

the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or

secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular

persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice

religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally

successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of

the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due

respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to

society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is

necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the

Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race,

creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of

the wishee.

By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as

stated. This greeting is not subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is

freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies

no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for

herself/himself/others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable

at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as

expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one

year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes

first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a

new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

 

For My Conservative Friends:

 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[wolfville]

Amen.

[FLEX ROD]

God, 30 years ago if any body would have called me an Conservtive I would probably puched them in the face, today i can honestly say I wear that title with pride.

 

Thank you Carp-Starter for posting that and Merry Christmas to you also.

 

FLEX - John

[Markystang]

That about sums it up, eh?

 

My brother told me about a conversation he had with his mother-in-law earlier this week...

Turns out as she was leaving BestBuy, the greeter said the her "Happy non-denominational holiday!"

She said to him "What!?!"

He explained that management was not allowing them to say Merry Christmas to people anymore.

She told him "That's stupid", and wished him a Merry Christmas anyway.

[OhioFisherman]

LOL More talk less fighting is always a good thing? Fiscal conservative, social moderate. Happy Holidays!

[Greencoachdog]

Merry Xmas, have a nice Boxing Day, and Happy New Year!!!

[POLLIWOGG]

This anti anti Christmas thing all started from an American white supremest publication as a rant against well pretty much everybody that wasn't an American white supremest . So the greeting they really want you to use is a raised fist and "white power".

 

If everybody tries not to get sucked into promoting it , it might go away in 10 or 20 or 30 years.

[hammercarp]

I passed it on via email. But I replaced "my liberal friends" with my friends from Toronto, America with Canada and " my conservative friends" with to the rest of my friends across Canada.

[irishfield]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 01, 2008

 

RE: Gala Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill

House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small

band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if

our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at

1:00 pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,

no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for

everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

 

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

 

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

 

Patty

 

 

===========================================================================3D

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 02, 2008

 

RE: Gala Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish

employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from

now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other

employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation

Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We

will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

 

Happy now?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

 

Patty

 

 

 

============================================================================

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 03, 2008

 

RE: Holiday Party

 

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ...

 

You didn't sign your name. I' m happy to accommodate this request, but if I

put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to

handle this?

 

Somebody?

 

And sorry, but forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts are allowed since the

union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the executives believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

 

 

============================================================================

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

To: All Employees

 

DATE: October 04, 2008

 

RE: Generic Holiday Party

 

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the

party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms.

 

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with

Gay men, each group will have their own table.

 

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

 

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing allowed, apparently

because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

 

We will have booster seats for short people.

 

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

 

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

 

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the rest aurant cannot

supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

 

 

Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

 

 

============================================================================

 

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All F#$&*ng Employees

 

 

DATE: October 05, 2008

 

RE: The F*%#ing Holiday Party

 

 

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu&*^%g salad bar, including organic

tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard

them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

 

The rest of you weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

 

Drive drunk and die,

 

The B* from HE*^!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

============================================================================

 

 

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

 

DATE: October 06, 2008

 

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

Joan

Edited December 19, 2008 by irishfield

[shane]

HAHAHAHA!

 

Have a nice day everybody!

[Terry]

that would be funny if it wasnt becoming the truth

 

 

ok it was funny

[e-z-out]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 01, 2008

 

RE: Gala Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill

House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small

band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if

our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at

1:00 pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,

no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for

everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

 

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

 

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

 

Patty

===========================================================================3D

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 02, 2008

 

RE: Gala Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish

employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from

now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other

employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation

Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We

will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

 

Happy now?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

 

Patty

============================================================================

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

 

DATE: October 03, 2008

 

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ...

 

You didn't sign your name. I' m happy to accommodate this request, but if I

put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to

handle this?

 

Somebody?

 

And sorry, but forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts are allowed since the

union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the executives believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

============================================================================

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

To: All Employees

 

DATE: October 04, 2008

 

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the

party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms.

 

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with

Gay men, each group will have their own table.

 

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

 

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing allowed, apparently

because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

 

We will have booster seats for short people.

 

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

 

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

 

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the rest aurant cannot

supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

============================================================================

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

 

TO: All F#$&*ng Employees

DATE: October 05, 2008

 

RE: The F*%#ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu&*^%g salad bar, including organic

tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard

them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

 

The rest of you weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

 

Drive drunk and die,

 

The B* from HE*^!!!!!!!!

============================================================================

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

 

DATE: October 06, 2008

 

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

Joan

 

 

Wayne thats the memo from my work how did you get it?