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Tarzan's Jane

How To Give A Cat A Pill

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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.

Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little bugger's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rought about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table..

 

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

How To Give A Dog A Pill

 

1. Wrap it in Bacon

 

2. Toss it in the air.

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How To Give A Dog A Pill

 

1. Wrap it in Bacon

 

2. Toss it in the air.

 

Ironically that works for me every time as well.

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A way that actually works is: crush the pill into powder, and pour the powder into it's mouth. Can't spit that out.

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How to give a cat a pill.

Step #1 : Insert pill down mouse's throat.

Step #2 : Should be obvious.

Edited by Woodsman

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Great one, on a serious side note, ask HTHM, he has a certain way with animals. I'm sure something can be done.

Edited by Dozer

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I your cat has always had dry cat food this will work .Just crush pill up mix with wet cat food and give ir to the cat on a spoon if that doesn't work you have to put the pill on the back of the tongue 8-10 they swallow it I have 3 cats unfortunately I would be fine with 1 but the wife loves cats .BTW very funny write up hope some of it was exaggerated LOL.

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I am in the same boat, my older cat takes 2 pills a day now. And every time it's a brand new adventure.

 

Grid it to powder? I tried, the powder all ends up on her fur.

 

Put in tuna? Okay, I tried tuna, salmon, turkey, beef, ... whatever you add the powder in, it won't be touched by the cat.

 

The only thing that worked to certain degree for us is to dissolve the pill in small amount of water, use a syringe to inject into cat's mouth. You still need to figure out how to get the cat to open up, but at least you normally get it done this way with less than 3 attempts ;-(

 

I found this on internet while researching cat constipation problem, and believe me, it's funny

 

Gave my cat an ENEMA last night

Edited by wolfville

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The only thing that worked to certain degree for us is to dissolve the pill in small amount of water, use a syringe to inject into cat's mouth. You still need to figure out how to get the cat to open up, but at least you normally get it done this way with less than 3 attempts ;-(

 

Wrap the cat in a towel if he/she scratches. Hold them on their back. Other person put fingers in at the side of the cats mouth and the jaw will open. Fire the pill in to the back of the throat. Hold mouth closed and rub under their chin. Causes involuntary swallowing (probably a dirty joke in here somewhere :whistling: ) .

 

This is the easiest way to give a cat a pill. My parents had to do this four times a day for 5 years with our old cat. It works everytime. Also helps if you give the cat a treat afterwards.

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I don't know why.....but I'm finding it VERY amusing that sooooo many of you GUYS know how to give a cat a pill! LOL! :clapping:

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