Headhunter

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S.English. We will let Microsoftknow on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. ------------------ God Save the Queen! HH

Oh my YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HH

Were you using your good eye Will! LMAO HH

Cat Ballou x 2 Lee Marvin and his horse slay me! Also, Jane aint hard on the eyes in that movie. HH

I have a personal rule I follow with regard to eating fish... If the fish has either the Farenheit or Celcius scale stamped on it's side, it goes back in the drink. HH

Dude forgot the words! HH

Yup, sitting on the floor in the gym,in grade 5, staring at a Black and White TV with an extremely snowy picture... but boy were we glad to have at least that! One of those moments in life that is forever burned into my memory. Heck, might even be the only thing left in there! HH

Gottcha! I can't comment on the manliness, I was just curious, that's all! Again, great report and the pic quality is very good as well! HH

Great report, thanks for taking the time... but I gotta ask, what with the gloves, when you guys are holding fish? HH

We can always count of you to give us a chuckle Cap. Bruce! Thanks, HH

Tell her to get some Cayene pepper and spread it all around the area the racoon is messing with... that and moth balls should discourage it... but know that as the cold weather is approaching, that coon is lookin for a place to call home for the winter! HH Rocoons fall under the jurisdiction of the MNR. Contact them to get all the info you need.

You're gonna be fun to be around in January, aren't you? HH

Be very careful if you do decide to move a captured racoon... legally, you are only allowed to move it no more then one KM for the site it was trapped at... You can however, legally "dispose" of the animal, but only after documenting any and all damage the animal has caused. That said, you can't legally have the raccon meet it's maker, in the city... it must be done in a rural location... I don't make the rules, I simply pass them along! HH

Humour or humor (see spelling differences) is the tendency of particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. The term derives from the humoral medicine of the ancient Greeks, which taught that the balance of fluids in the human body, known as humors (Latin: humor, "body fluid"), control human health and emotion. People of all ages and cultures respond to humour. The majority of people are able to experience humour, i.e., to be amused, to laugh or smile at something funny, and thus they are considered to have a sense of humour. The hypothetical person lacking a sense of humour would likely find the behaviour induced by humour to be inexplicable, strange, or even irrational. Though ultimately decided by personal taste, the extent to which an individual will find something humorous depends upon a host of variables, including geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education, intelligence and context. For example, young children may favour slapstick, such as Punch and Judy puppet shows or cartoons such as Tom and Jerry. Satire may rely more on understanding the target of the humour and thus tends to appeal to more mature audiences. Nonsatirical humour can be specifically termed "recreational drollery".[ Just so yah know... HH

Boy, that sounds like fun... maybe we could all bring our rods or something, maybe some boats as well and then we could get a tournament going and maybe we could do it every year... Minimum 1000 posts to attend or you pay an entry fee... HH

I like the way you think Terry! Warranty work! LMAO! HH

Spending a day tearing down the last few houses you framed, might inspire him to pay you... or alternatively, getting your truck stuck in the drive, you know, the one all the material suppliers use to provide for the area... I know, but I am just trying to be creative! HH

Yah, but why have them green, when you can have 'em red!? HH

Brian, my Jimmy was acting in a similar way... so I did what every good OFC'er would... I asked Bernie! He described my problem for me! LOL The engine would run fine, at start up and at pretty much any other time, unless and until I put the engine in a low RPM, high torque situation. It would chug and try and die and only after giving it more gas would it even out... Bernie's answer, sight un-seen... "Joe, your coils gone". Sure enough, new coil, wires etc... running like brand new. Just a thought, heck, I am entitled to one a day! HH

BOb, toss the green tomatos in a paper bag, with a ripe apple. Close the bag and leave it on the counter for a couple of days... you now have ripe tomatos. HH

You had me at the flying baby pic! Fantastic shots and thanks very much for posting... HH

I sure hope that this doesn't affect the weather dudes' ability to accurately predict the weather! HH

LMAO! Sigged! HH

Yup and it's gonna get worse... just found out that Uncle Dalty has already signed off on charging us HST on smart meters. Yes, you read that right, he has approved an HST charge on using smart meters, which, btw, they insisted on installing at our homes... HH

Well, here in "The Big Smoke", if one of my employees brought their gun to work, the first thing I would ask them is, is your gun going to make us any money? Because really, work is about making money. That may be considered a bad attitude north of 17, but in reality, that's why we work. And if one of my employess brought in their; -fishing rod -model car/airplane -guitar etc..., I would have the same attitude. That my friend is the opinion of a "Big Smoke" dweller. HH