Twocoda

Caught crabs on a couch once....and i wasnt even trying

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > HOW TO START A FIGHT: > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > > One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas > gift... > > The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, > > "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" > > And that's how the fight started..... > _____________________________ > > My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in > bed. > > I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' > > 'No,' she answered. I then said, > > Is that your final answer?' > > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' > > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." > > And that's when the fight started... > _____________________________ > > I took my wife to a restaurant. > > The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. > "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." > > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" > > "Nah, she can order for herself." > > And that's when the fight started...... > _______________________________ > > My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, > > and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at > a nearby table. > > I asked her, "Do you know him?" > > "Yes", she sighed, > > "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we > split up > > those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." > > "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that > long?" > > And then the fight started... > ________________________________ > > When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting > > to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else > to take care of first, > > the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. > > Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. > When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, > busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. > > I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. > > I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a > toothbrush. I said, > > "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." > > The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. > _____________________________ > > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. > > She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 > seconds." > > I bought her a bathroom scale. > > And then the fight started...... > ____________________________ > > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social > Security. > > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my > age. > > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. > > I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come > back later. > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. > > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. > > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she > processed my Social Security application. > > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social > Security office. > > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten > disability too.' > > And then the fight started.... > ________________________________ > > My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. > > She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, > > "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a > compliment.' > > I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." > > And then the fight started......... > ________________________________ > > I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! > > The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! > > He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' > > So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' > > That's how the fight started........

you can always head a wee bit further up the coast Mike...if the Geen doesnt clear up...the weather has been spaced perfectly apart to keep the river blown out ...when we need a fix we have been hitting the harbour and chucking hardware..

nice shottin Pangle....good on ya ..!!

unless something miraculous happens ....forget about the Saugeen....Bill chocolate milk pic is clear compared to whats going on in there right now...save the gas...

done >>>>>GOOD LUCK<<<<<

Condolences Dave....

stand up and take a bow!.....Excellent report and nice shootin!

Nice shootin G Man! Congrates on the personal best...

Well theres a few minutes ill never recover.....lol....

thats your initiation to addiction....good on ya for toughing it out....i would be lying if i said it never happened to me before...my funniest was when i slipped into one of the gourges at Ben Miller and my waders filled up with my feet hanging over the falls .....just before i went over a gentlemen slammed his salmon net over my head and saved me....then he said with his broken english " i dunt knew if i shud keeeep you.......or pooot you back"

its fishable Lake Huron has been pretty spectacular the last few days too....

since we are on the subject.....whats red and has 7 dents??????? Snow Whites cherry.....

Pumpkinfest is on this weekend in Port Elgin....i think the winning pumpkin so far is 1640 POUNDS....the world record squash is sitting in port right now...1400 pounds....ill post some pics later on today for ya BB or you can google Pumkinfest 2011 and there is a live feed of the weigh station in the growers tent as they weigh them in... Cheers heres the link http://www.pumpkinfest.org/

Excelent portrait! very cute child....the prisoner strips is kinda ironic considering your career path...lol...maybe superimpose some steel bars

i always wondered what ever became of Axel Rose....

im going to guess his sequel will involve an apple and bow....

it will cost you 545.00 to get the lien in place....if its a significant amount of money then you have to set it forward through the process....but if it isnt then simply take the hit and write it off as a loss on your taxes...you can spread it out over three years if you have to ...Good Luck

dood it too...nice shot and good luck!

Nice shootin!...great composition on the first pic...every fisherman should have that shot on his/her wall

Looks like the best place to get Depends would be the Salvation Army @ 50% off....but im thinking you might not mind paying the extra 30% from K-Mart Happy hunting BB

Nice Shots !!! who would have thought a lawnmower could be part of a fishermans arsenal

i cant believe people would hypothetically eat ANYTHING out of the Credit

very well done!!!! memories to last a lifetime and the pics to prove it...your success was measured by the smiles of everyone....Congrates on a great report too