Confession to make

[Billy Bob]

Yesterday I got stopped by the police around 2 a.m. on the way home from the fire hall and the police officer asked where I was going at this time of night. "I said I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

 

Sir, "That would be my wife."

[fishing n autograph]

[Billy Bob]

Thought you might enjoy that one....

[mercman]

Me too !!!

Made a wrong turn on a 1 way street. The Cop asked me if i had seen the arrows, i said "Heck No Officer, i didn't even see the Indians"

As he filled out the citation, I said "Can you write that a bit faster please sir? I"m going to a party, and i must be late cause everyone seems to be going home"

 

[fishing n autograph]

You musta been the drunk that I dealt with the other day. I asked him why he was drinkin and drivin and he said " I had to get home somehow"

[Roy]

Sir, didn't you notice that your wife fell out of the car about 2 miles back?

 

OH thank God officer! I thought I was going deaf.

[HTHM]

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

[fishing n autograph]

I heard that one before and its an actual true story

[fishing n autograph]

After a long foot chase a police officer was able to apprehend a well known, armed and wanted felon. After he was cuffed, the officer asked the suspect "are you carrying any weapons?" The accused said "no". The officer searched the male party and discovered a lump near the left front pocket and waist band. The officer asked "I thought you weren't carrying any weapons? What's this?" The accused replied "that's my penis sir"

[Woodsman]

Last time I was stopped as the officer walked up to the car I stated "I bet your going to sell me a ticket to the Policeman's Ball".

His response was "Policeman don't have Balls".

After a few seconds he shook his head & tipped his hat & returned to his cruiser and took off.

Edited October 2, 2011 by Woodsman

[smally21]

ha - top shelf BB - earned a few of those of late...

[Skipper D]

Hope this cold weather joke is ok ??????? In the park in new york city a police officer sitting on his horse and hears a noise behind him and turns to see a hair lip wino with his horese's tail up in the air and his two fingers stuck in then wipeing his lips with them , officer says , What do you think your doing , Wino says , Excuse me officer but i have a fever blister , Officer says man thats not gona help your fever blister any ,Wino says No sir.... But it i'll sure keep ya from lick'en your lips i tell ya ...........

Edited October 2, 2011 by Skipper " D "

[vinnimon]

A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

 

 

Sounds like one of our guys thats been fired

Hes someones now.

[OutdoorDan]

After a long foot chase a police officer was able to apprehend a well known, armed and wanted felon. After he was cuffed, the officer asked the suspect "are you carrying any weapons?" The accused said "no". The officer searched the male party and discovered a lump near the left front pocket and waist band. The officer asked "I thought you weren't carrying any weapons? What's this?" The accused replied "that's my penis sir"