Santa Is A Woman? [n.f]

[nautifish]

I think Santa Claus is a woman ... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.

 

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

 

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

 

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

 

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

 

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

 

Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

 

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

 

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men ...

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.

Definite guy.

 

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Guy

 

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Ditto

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

 

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

 

[ccmtcanada]

HEY!!!! I'm a guy and I dont care what anyone says, mood rings are cool and great presents.....LOL

[wuchikubo]

I think Santa Claus is a woman ... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.

 

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

 

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

 

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

 

 

Santa has had many many years to develop the sensitive side of himself. Besides, Mrs. Claus has kept him in check.

Not a problem here, Santa has the elves make them. But just like a guy he checks his list for the second time at the last moment (procrastinator).

 

 

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

 

 

No problem here as well, he's a milk and cookies kind of guy. (possibly a veggian) I've never heard of some child saying there was a message from Santa asking for a steak beside the x-mas tree. All the reindeer must be female as I recall someone telling me the males don't have antlers around that time (I may be corrected) and who would put a doe's head up without antlers?.

 

 

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

 

 

Male Santa would likely have a slightly better sense of direction. Only problem would be all those new subdivisions. Besides he has a great memory, just test him with all those different languages he speaks.

 

 

Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

 

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

 

Men can't pack a bag.

 

The elves pack the bag for him as he reads the list.

 

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

As for the rest of the above, well, Santa is not your typical guy.

 

Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

 

Mrs. Claus has him well trained.

 

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men ...

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.

Definite guy.

 

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Guy

 

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Ditto

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

 

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

 

 

Sorry, good points but I Still think Santa is a Guy!

 

[john vail]

On the other hand how many women would live at the North Pole( Sounds like a hochie bar) most of the women I know have to have the thermostat set at 72 degrees F let alone be in an open sleigh , would mess up there hair and face putty.

[GbayGiant]

There are lot's of bearded woman out there, could be.

[huey graphite]

On the other hand how many women would live at the North Pole( Sounds like a hochie bar) most of the women I know have to have the thermostat set at 72 degrees F let alone be in an open sleigh , would mess up there hair and face putty.

 

 

 

Not if she was having hot flashes!

[Fisherman]

Here we go again, somebody trying to cross gender things that have been the same way since whenever, Santa is a jolly old guy and has been getting the job done for a looooong time. Mother Nature on the other hand...we know she's a female.... nasty, miserable, unpredictable, throws a wrench into planned fishing days, just plain miserable at time.

[nautifish]

Chuckles......

 

Just a little humour dear!!!!

[kemper]

I say santa is still a fat guy with a big white beard.

 

He just happens to have some really cool magic

[Bob]

I don't know about Santa but the reindeer have to be females. Males drop their antlers before Christmas and the females carry theirs until after birthing in the spring.

[JFR]

You're onto something Nautifish......Santa has had years to find his feminine sensitive side. Metrosexual