A sad anniversary

[lew]

For those that don't know, my son was an iron worker for many years, he was one of the guys who worked hundreds of feet in the air bolting steel girders together.

20 years ago today something happened and he fell to his death.

My daughter posted a nice story about Jim on social media and I thought I'd share it here.

Love your kids today because you don't know what might happen tomorrow.

 

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Every December 13th I wake up with a knot in my stomach.

How is it that it feels like it was just yesterday but in actuality it’s been 20 years…….7,300 days since you left Mom, Dad & I and altered our lives in the worst way.

As each year, each month, each day, each hour, each minute, each second passes and December 13 arrives we are reminded.

To say that was the worse day of my life would be an understatement to say the least.

I’ll be honest, the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days that immediately followed are somewhat a blur.

His funeral was beautiful. I have never been to a funeral that had that many people. There were so many that people poured out of the chapel, into the lobby of the funeral home, out the front door and down the sidewalk to the left and right. One of the most touching moments of the funeral were the fire trucks parked outside and the firefighters from my Dads station inside as well as an army of Iron Workers, ALL of them standing at the back of the chapel, dirty from top to bottom, steel toed boots and hard hats tucked under their arm. WOW, Jimmy was loved and very well known which, as I said earlier we came to know.

Years later while I sat in the waiting room at the doctors office another patient walked in and sat beside me. It was obvious he was an Iron Worker, dirty clothes, steel toed boots and a hard hat covered in Iron Worker stickers. I struck up a conversation with him and told him my brother WAS an Iron Worker. He said “was?” How come he’s not anymore? I proceeded to tell him how Jimmy was killed. He looked at me and said “wait, was your brother Jimmy Knighton?”, which obviously I responded “yes, you knew him?” What he said next made me cry instantly and then proudly I smiled. He said “I didn’t know him personally but everyone in the industry knew who Jimmy Knighton was”. He said “Jimmy was one of THEE best Iron Workers there is”. He said “your brother was an AMAZING Iron Worker, he was fearless, he was tough and he was amazing”. I was in awe when he told me that. What an amazing legacy.

Jimmy loved Christmas as much as I did. He was the “garbage man”. First my mom would toss a big black garbage bag to him and the ripping would begin. As we each opened our gifts one after the other, we would smoosh the wrapping paper into a ball and send it hurling at Jimmy so he could put it in the garbage bag. This would continue for 2-3 hours because our parents were lunatics when it came to Xmas shopping. Our livingroom became a minefield because there were so many presents, because we have the best parents. We still do have the best parents and they do STILL spoil me and I’m incredibly grateful for them every single day.

However, I do have to admit that I dread Xmas now. I do try to get into the spirit……I decorate at work and my parents and I decorate their house but I have a hard time pushing myself to do any of that and it makes me even more sad that I have to put my parents through that because they know how much I struggle at Christmas.

I’ve had a couple of friends say to me over the years…..”C’mon Sheri, it’s been years and years, you need to snap out of it”.

That really hurts me when they say that. Do they think I wake up in December and say “ok, well, it’s time to pull out and dust off my miserable and sad personality, attitude and mood??

If only it were that easy.

If only I could flip that switch and turn it off as soon as it turns on.

It may be easy for some, but for me, not so easy and all I can say to anyone that criticizes me for my lack of jolliness and ho ho ho’s is this……

If you’ve never experienced great loss then you won’t understand the aching feeling of a broken heart it’s a real thing, and until that day arrives and you lose someone you love so much I would appreciate it if you can just keep your opinions to yourself.

20 years ago today, our lives were forever changed, and our broken hearts will forever ache.

However, the one thing that did not change and never will is how much we love you Jimmy.

We miss you terribly and we will love you ALWAYS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

+11

 

 

All reactions:

33

 

[smitty55]

That was wonderful Lew, big kudos to Sheri. I lost my wife over two years ago and I can relate to a lot of what she wrote. I just finished reading the book You are not Alone by Debbie Augenthaler and it helped. She lost her husband suddenly in her 30's and over time went from a securities trader to an award winning psychotherapist dealing with grief and healing.

[Whopper]

Lew I remember that well, I was a lurker at the time but joined shortly after. Well written by Sheri.

[lew]

Thanks Guys, Sheri & Jim were as close as any brother & sister could be.

[Spiel]

Good Lord, 20 years passed. I too remember you informing us all here back in the day Lew of this sad and terribly tragic (unnecessary) loss of your son.
Time they say heals all wounds but sadly we don't live for the eternity that it would take. Prayers for you and family on this very sad anniversary Lew.
 

[mepps]

Great tribute by your daughter, Lew. A perfect reminder of why we should cherish our loved ones ever day!