Afew things to ponder on a TUES

[capt bruce]

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

 

 

 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

 

 

 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 

 

 

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 

 

 

7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 

 

 

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

 

 

 

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

 

 

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

 

 

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

 

 

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

 

 

 

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

 

 

 

15. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

 

 

 

16. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

 

 

17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 

 

 

18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

 

 

19. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

 

 

 

20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

 

 

 

21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

 

 

 

22. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

 

 

23. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

 

 

24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

 

 

25. If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back to you,

call them up later, when you're drunk.

[Terry]

you are wise beyond your years, truly words of wisdom....

[Skipper D]

YUP that feller shure is , and i say : never put a scope on a shot gun ifin ya dont wants ta take an eye out.........

Edited September 27, 2011 by Skipper " D "

[oldphart]

~~~~Yes words to live by

[Lunker777]

classic !!!! hahahaha I think number 11 is my fav ! haha

[Headhunter]

We can always count of you to give us a chuckle Cap. Bruce!

Thanks,

HH

[GBW]

4 was so good you can only read it with your x-ray glasses on...

 

*edit* wait, I lied...

Edited September 28, 2011 by GBW

[capt bruce]

For those without the special glasses I give you the before hidden NUMBER 4

 

 

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner–Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said. “I have an announcement to make.”

 

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

 

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

 

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”

 

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

 

“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride.

 

“Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

 

As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.”

 

“And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato.

 

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”

 

“You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”

 

“I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter.

 

“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

 

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.”

 

“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

 

“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!”

 

“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”

 

“I’m marrying Peter Jennings!”

 

“Peter Jennings?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater

[GBW]

ZING!

[mercman]

A farmer is a man, outstanding in his field.