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Posted

10 Things NOT to Say When You are Pulled Over

 

 

10. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

9. No, offi, offic, Lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.

7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.

6. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers, licenses from 2 different states! Pick 1.

5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

4. Come on write the darn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

2. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone means.

 

And...

 

1. Who is better Dunkin Donuts, or Tim Hortons?

Posted

I like to start the conversation with " you would not have caught up to me if I was sober"

 

..I thought I was doing the right thing driving, I knew I was way to drunk to walk home

Posted

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Posted

Q: Do you know why I pulled you over?

 

 

Answers NOT to use:

 

1) You saw my out of state plates and wanted to wish me a safe and speedy trip? (NY State Troopers do not have a sense of humour, better not to try)

2) Revenue generation?

 

3) Hey if you think you could do that corner any quicker you're welcome to try, man I was on fire!

 

 

Customs Booth: Do you have anything to declare?

 

A: Yeah, could you hurry up please. The bald eagles in the back are starting to come down off their last speedball and they get REAL restless until we can score again.

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