Oh dear, Glen. That sounds just awful. You need a lot more practice swillin' with the Northern contingent. And a domestic supply of Motts' Spicy Clamato.
I like some lime juice in mine, salt and pepper on the top as well as the celery salt on the rim. I also like a hot sauce with a little garlic in it, rather than the tabasco sauce, although the tb sauce will do. Lee and Perrins Worcestershire is the only choice for that component.
Like any beautiful dish, it's all about the balance between hot and sweet, salt and sour. It just takes practice. I like Jerk (Walker's Wood outa Kingston JA) so maybe that might be a good substitute for the hot sauce.
There are many types of pickles, from bread and butter to dill to full-sour dill to sweet mix to hot mix to calabrese giardiniera. Whatchoo talkin bout?
I wonder if pickled herring juice might work.