Monday funny

[irishfield]

A young lad from Sydney , Nova Scotia goes off to University, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Antigonish that could teach our dog "Jiggy" how to talk.'

That's amazing!' his Dad says 'How do I get Jiggy in that program?'

Just send him here with $1200,' the young lad says, 'I'll get him into the course.'

So his father sends the dog "Jiggy"and $1200.

 

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The young lad calls home.

'So how's Jiggy doing, son?' his father wants to know.

Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe this.

They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.

Read? exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get our Jiggy in that program?'

Just send $2300. I'll get him in the class for sure.'

 

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's my Jiggy? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

Dad, the young lad says, I have some grim news.

Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jiggy was in the living room,

kicked back in the recliner, reading the Cape Breton Post.

Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead working at the grocery store?

The father groans and whispers, I hope you shot that son of a bugger before he talks to your mother!'

I sure did, Dad!'

That's my boy!'

The kid went on to become a successful lawyer, and later on, he became a politician.

[danbouck]

[Joey]

[captpierre]

Gotta love it!

[vinnimon]

[Old Man]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.

They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

 

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

 

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house

I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested “Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much" he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take a short cut down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said “I’m a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens".