~~~~AAAAAAH to be back in the Forces

[oldphart]

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

 

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

 

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

 

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

 

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

 

_____________________________

 

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

 

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

 

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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

 

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?

A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

 

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?

A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

 

______________________________

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

 

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

 

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

________________________________

 

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

 

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

[craigdritchie]

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

[lew]

 

________________________________

 

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

 

_____________________________

 

 

Thanks oldphart, some funny stuff there.

 

Here's a true story that I was reminded of by the above joke.

 

My friend Madeline was driving thru downtown Hamilton and when she stopped at a red light her car stalled. While she was trying to re-start it the doofis behind her started blaring his horn at her. She got out of her car, walked back to the other car, opened his door and handed him her keys.

 

When he asked what the heck she was doing, she said you go up and start MY car for me and I'll get in YOUR car and blow your horn for you.

 

Doofis backed up, went around her and drove down the road with his tail between his legs.

[Harrison]

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

 

I had to forward this on to a couple buddies. This is bang on!

 

If I may add, another way is to read their hat, jacket and t-shirt.

Edited December 9, 2011 by Harrison

[Big Cliff]

:thumbsup_anim: :thumbsup_anim:

[Rod Caster]

I'm putting the aftershave one in my pocket. Hehehe funny stuff

[spincast]

thanks for the chuckle, some funny stuff there.