things to ponder on a Friday

[capt bruce]

IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

 

THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

 

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

 

WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

 

IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

 

IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

 

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

 

WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

 

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

 

IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

 

WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

 

WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

 

IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

 

CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

 

IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

 

WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

 

HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

 

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

 

ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

 

DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

 

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

 

IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

 

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

 

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

 

WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

 

WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

 

WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

 

IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY

BECOME DISORIENTED?

 

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

 

 

 

 

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[Whitespinnerbait]

[Spiel]

Well now I have something to think about today....

[Twocoda]

why do they hang stainless steel urinals on all the maple trees in the spring?

[Rich Clemens]

Yes - This will drive me crazy this afternoon. (At least ...it will be a short trip)

[vinnimon]

[tjsa]

Why do we drive on parkways, but park on driveways?

[MJL]

Other things I've also pondered...Really

 

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?

 

How fast do hotcakes sell?

 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

 

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

 

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

[douG]

If a pedestrian is injured every hour in Toronto, why doesn't he move?