What not to do if you have a cat (NF)

[Guest mistyriver1]

I just read this on another site and had to share.....

 

 

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can

top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.

No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my

boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because

the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I

would feel up to coming in the next day.

By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on

the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given into my wife's wishes

to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no

problem.

 

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard

my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower

pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me

in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a

second."

 

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent

outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as

extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to

find the button. The last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal

teeth.

It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects

she spied hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under

the sink.

And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the

toys I

unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,

blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten

hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

I know this from experience.

I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet

bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself

lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of

"been-there, done-that" paramedics.

 

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were

all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while

trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all.

A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where

colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury.

I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

 

If they only knew!

[Headhunter]

Nice one! Animals and kids, they have radar for this type of thing!

HH

[Jen]

Stories like that should not be read while at work... I am laughing so hard my assistant had to come and check on my sanity.

 

OH MY!! What a bad day that was in your life!

 

Glad to see you have a sense of humour about it all.

 

Thanks for sharing!

 

Cheers

Jen

[douG]

That reminds me of a parenting instruction I read a few years ago.

 

Never raise your hand to your kids - it leaves your groin unprotected.

[easton13th]

I am sure the paramedics all are talking about that one and maybe it will make their monthly newsletter...Glad to hear you are alright...as I am sure as most men, I did not laugh I felt your pain.

[huntervasili]

That is by far the funniest thing I have heard In a LONG time... thanks for sharing your horrible experience with us... Only a couple dozen years till you can actually laugh about that... again thanks for sharing...

 

Deepest sympathies,

Bill

[Roy]

I wonder if there'll be more cats brought to the SPCA tonight?

[Kawartha Kev]

Oh my god that is hilarious!!!! Thanks for sharing!!

 

Kawartha Kev