~~~With Age Comes Wisdom

[oldphart]

~~~* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books.

Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't

know.

 

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car

phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to

your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and

mounting the curb.

 

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers

turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked

illegally.

 

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and

remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

 

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.

The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom

carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a

contrasting polish should be selected).

 

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply

pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The

blockage is almost instantly removed.

 

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The

following morning you can create the effects of hangover by

drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging

your head repeatedly on the wall

[Terry]

yes

 

words to live by......lol

[Greencoachdog]

Never trust a fart!!!

[danbo]

Breathe in...breathe out..that is all you need to know, Grasshopper..