Funny NF

[fishinfool]

A different take on home remedies!

 

 

 

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES THAT REALLY WORK

 

If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water

down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

 

Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to

hold while you chop.

 

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using

the sink.

 

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a

few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a

timer.

 

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

 

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will

be afraid to cough.

 

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't

move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the

duct tape.

 

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR

ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

 

 

>> An American decided to write a book about famous churches

> around

>>the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando ,

>>thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from

> South

>>to North.

>> On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs

> when

>>he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read

>

>>"$10,000 per call".

>> The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was

> strolling

>>by what the telephone was used for.

>> The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and

> that

>>for $10,000 you could talk to God.

>> The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

>> Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large cathedral,

> he

>>saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered

> if

>>this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a

> nearby

>>nun what its purpose was.

>> She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that

> for

>>$10,000 he could talk to God.

>> "O.K., thank you," said the American.

>> He then traveled to Indianapolis , Washington DC ,

> Philadelphia

>>, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden

> telephone

>>with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

>> The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel up to

>>Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Canada

> and

>>again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden

> telephone

>>but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call."

>> The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the

>>sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same

>>golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to

>

>>Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so

> cheap

>>here?"

>> The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now, son -

>

>>it's a local call".

Edited March 7, 2008 by fishinfool

[JEREMY]

Good stuff

[douG]

I liked the slinky comment. So did the HR director at work.

[HTHM]

Would you like fresh ground pepper with that Sir?