Corn fed Venison

[jil101ca]

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed

it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step

in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated

at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there

> (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

 

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up. 3 of them.

 

I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,

and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a

good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell

it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards

it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received

an education.

 

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there

looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when

you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

 

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT

stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight

down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and

bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly

no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me

across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not

nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined.

 

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me

off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes

to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of

the big gash in my head.

 

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to

get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it

go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and

painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and

that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess

that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several

large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing

my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I

could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that

I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so

I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death.

 

I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder a

little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it

to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

 

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would

have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I

reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they

just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head almost

like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when

a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried

screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems

like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was

likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

 

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer

will strike at you with their front feet . They rear right up on their back

feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are

surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a

horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the

best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move

towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you

can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such

trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a

different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The

reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that

paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the

back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides

being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned

to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

 

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately

leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What

they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are

laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed

to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

 

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I

had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt

broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding

in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most

of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I

got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell . The

guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling

"what happened"?

 

I have never seen any law in the state of Texas that would prohibit an

individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they

have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law

enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may

find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I

swear not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid

played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer." I

did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over

my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all

over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there.

 

I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make

it home on my own. He did.

 

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to

know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and

wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the

attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain

hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell

out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.

EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the

co-op has a big mouth).

 

For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw

deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their

feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I

have to see these people every day and as an outsider. a "city folk". I have

enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and

whispering "there is the dumb-*** that tried to rope the deer.

[Photoz]

THAT was really good for a chuckle . . . . most likely mostly true . . . . I could just picture the guy . . . hillarious!!

[Tarzan's Jane]

Absolutely frightening and comical. Poor guy, but oh so funny. Thanks for posting that.

[Deano]

And that's how legends are made. How many stories like this make up things we believe today, more than we know, because we always get the better, enhanced version. Too funny.

[Clampet]

The only thing you want on a rope is - soap!