Humourous

[Twocoda]

A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway. He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

[Twocoda]

1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.

2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.

3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".

4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.

5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.

6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".

7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.

8) You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.

9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.

10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.

11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.

12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.

13) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.

14) Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.

15) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.

16) Your kids know it's Saturday---Because the boats gone,

[misfish]

10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.

 

Some of us newfs think so.LOL

 

Im partial to the mustard ones.

[Twocoda]

True definitions of fishing termanoligy

 

 

Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).

 

Line - Something you give your coworkers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

 

Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

 

Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

 

Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

 

School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.

 

Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

 

Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

 

Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming that darn line for once again losing the fish.

 

 

If i dont get some help with these jokes im going to end up being classified as a guide in no time...( which i was in 1988...how do i change that status?)

Edited July 9, 2009 by Twocoda

[Twocoda]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.

 

We don't have any, replied the first blonde.

 

Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses. said the Game Warden.

 

But officer, replied the second blonde, we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river.

 

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. Well, I know of no law against it, said the Game Warden, take all the debris you want. And with that, the Game Warden left.

 

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. What a dumb Fish Cop, the second blonde said to the other two, doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!