Dumb Questions

[Badger Shark]

Most of you have probably seen this before but I think it is still funny.

Actual questions.

Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.

 

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter

Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are

asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted

on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a

joke; but the questions were really asked!

 

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( England )

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

 

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

 

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take l ots of water.

 

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

 

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)

A: What, did your last slave die?

 

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe . Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

 

Q:Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do .

 

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A : Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )

A: No, WE don't stink.

 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ?( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay nightclubs .

 

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

 

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

 

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

 

Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.

 

 

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[cranks bait]

Oh man. I believe these questions. When I lived in Jasper Alberta I would get some really good ones.

 

-How do you get the lakes to be so blue? (couple from U.S.A.) I told them that there was a crew that drained the lakes the first Thursday of the month, and repainted the bottom for that colour.

 

I found out later that this couple took this to heart and extended their holiday a week just to witness this. Well needless to say, it didn't happen. I was given a lot of bass from my boss as I told this to them at work. I got in more trouble because he had to listen to their complaint without laughing and calling them sunfish for believing the story.

 

-Why do you keep all the reindeer locked up? Meaning the elk that love to hang out in the park that has a fence on one side.

 

-Are those mountains real? See story above same answer.

 

-What do the collars on the animals in the park mean? They are the friendly ones that you can pet.

 

-On a trip in Mexico we asked where a phone was to call back home in Canada. A U.S. visitor overheard and asked "You have phones in canada?" My reply was "Yes, one for every 10 igloos"

 

Yes it's true, the only dumb question is the one not asked, but seriously folks?