Tired of all the Snow Shovelling.... NF

[Kawartha Kev]

With all the snow shovelling we have been going through lately I thought I would present this little joke for your amusement.

 

Enjoy !!! Kawartha Kev

 

Diary of a Snow Shoveler:

 

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and

the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by

the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down

from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

 

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering

every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more

lovely place in the whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever

had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both

our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along

and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel

again. What a perfect life!

 

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.

My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.

No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by

the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's

possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

 

December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.

The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,

but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't

realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back

in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

 

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.

Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.

Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the

electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

 

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.

Hurt like hell !!! The wife laughed for an hour, which I think, was very cruel.

 

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off

for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at

the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,

but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing

to death in my own living room.

 

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the freakin white stuff last night.

More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice.

Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.

I think they're lying.

 

December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower

and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.

Bob says I have to shovel the sidewalk or the city will have it done and bill me.

I think he's lying.

 

 

 

 

 

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches

of the white poop fell today and it's so cold it probably won't melt until August.

Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to take a piss.

By the time I got undressed, went to the can, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel.

Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.

I'm sure he’s lying. !!!!!

 

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the

house this morning. What is she freakin nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?

She says she did but I think she's lying.

 

December 24: 6"of snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the

son of a carp who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him

through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around

the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he

comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws

snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing

Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that

snowplow.

 

December 25: Merry Christmas!!! 20 more inches of the miserable white poop tonight.

Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil!

God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation

and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.

I think he's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time,

I'm going to scream!

 

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?

It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves !!!

 

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

 

December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE carp is driving me crazy!!!!!

 

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

 

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars.

The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted.

 

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me but why am I tied to the bed ??