Handlebarz Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 So my little girl tells us she has a boyfriend she is almost 14 where has time gone??? Anyway I guess today was as good as any day to share with her and the world my favourite song I heard it back in 2006? And when I did I knew it would come in handy down the road. I know all you dads will love it or do love it. Some have already lived the fear I am just approaching others have new little girls and get to build the fear. Either way Why must they grow up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigugli Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I have never been afraid of my daughter's encounters with boys as a teenager. Mind you, once the lads have been introduced to my fine collection of blades and axes, and some of the gun toting uncles, the lads become very, very afraid. Come to think on it, I've revoked and confiscated the man card of every fella Anna has ever dated. I find this form to be very handy. I know it has been posted before. APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME_______________________________________ ALIASES ______________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA______________ SOCIAL SECURITY#________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ IQ _________ BLOOD TYPE _____ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No #of years they have been married ______ If less than your age, explain why ______________________________________ If not explain why ___________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I HIGHLY SUGGEST RUNNING AS I AM A DAMNED GOOD SHOT.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend _______________________________________________ How often you attend ____________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? __________ mother? _________ pastor? __________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C. A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________ D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?__________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ______________________ RULES: Initial each Rule after reading. Rule One: If you talk with foul words and dress like a bad ass, a punk or a wanna-be-gangster I will toss you right out on your tush. Rule Two: If you date my daughter you date only her. She has a kind heart and I will not have you make my her cry; if she does, I will make you cry. You may only date ONE of my daughters. EVER. Rule Three: You must know how to fish as well as I have taught my daughter(s) to fish. Frozen dinners do not count. My daughter ain't providing for you. Rule Four: Do not be hurt when my daughter chooses a day fishing with me over sports or gaming time with you. She was raised that family comes first and until there is a ring on her finger, I am her family, not you. Rule Five: Do not date my daughter for her money because I am her bank. Do not expect gifts, she has been taught to be a savvy shopper. Rule Six: Don't sleep with my daughter; the only rubber you should be concerned about is out in the driveway and has Goodyear stamped on it. Rule Seven: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pudgy, baggy-eyed, last-season, has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the king of her universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. If you do not I will ask her. Do not trifle with me. Rule Eight: My daughter has been raised to respect herself, so keep your hands to yourself. Offending body parts will be removed by me with a dull spoon. Rule Nine: Do not be hurt when my daughter chooses spending time with me over spending time with you. She was raised that family comes first and until there is a ring on her finger, I am her family, not you. Yes, I know this is also Rule Four. It is an important one. Rule Ten: My daughter is not a toy. She does not have Hasbro, Mattel or any other toy company tattooed on her person. Hence, she is not an object for you to play with, manipulate, and discard at your leisure. I've spent many years raising and loving her , and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie 300 will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me. I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) _______________________________________________________________ Mother's Signature & Father's Signature _______________________________________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman Please allow four to six years for processing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tender52 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I hear ya guys. I have a similar game plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishfield Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) My father in law only forgot to clean a gun in front of one fella that Leah brought home... he's been stuck with me for 35 years now !! My girls can take care of themselves... Edited January 17, 2014 by irishfield Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Headhunter Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I have a plan in place for when my now 10 year old daughter begins dating. It involves a mayonnaise jar, a Louisville Slugger and testicles. You figure it out. I like your application form Bigugli! HH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Ironmaker Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 (edited) Love the application, not many teens however would be able to fill it out, it's a piece of paper not a touch screen thing. Since we were all boys, and did what boys did later in life were all blessed with daughters, Devine payback? We had a fun thing we all did. My brothers would insist a niece bring the kid over on Sunday to the family home to say hello. Before date one. She would have go around the big table and introduce everyone, this is my Godfather Uncle Cheech, this is my Godfather Uncle Santino, this is my Godfather Uncle Felice, etc. We all played it up, whispering in each others ear talking in riddles and code. Of course if we knew we had a new victim we all were sure to drive or borrow the Caddies and have fun like saying Uncle Joey couldn't be here because he's away at University, yea for 7 to 10. They couldn't wait to get out of there, but not before of course our mother insisted they sit down and eat. Some never made it through the dinner, some never asked for the first date. Some are hanging around 20 years later with kids of their own, maybe too afraid to leave. Edited January 17, 2014 by Old Ironmaker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigugli Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Love the application, not many teens however would be able to fill it out, it's a piece of paper not a touch screen thing. Since we were all boys, and did what boys did later in life were all blessed with daughters, Devine payback? We had a fun thing we all did. My brothers would insist a niece bring the kid over on Sunday to the family home to say hello. Before date one. She would have go around the big table and introduce everyone, this is my Godfather Uncle Cheech, this is my Godfather Uncle Santino, this is my Godfather Uncle Felice, etc. We all played it up, whispering in each others ear talking in riddles and code. Of course if we knew we had a new victim we all were sure to drive or borrow the Caddies and have fun like saying Uncle Joey couldn't be here because he's away at University, yea for 7 to 10. They couldn't wait to get out of there, but not before of course our mother insisted they sit down and eat. Some never made it through the dinner, some never asked for the first date. Some are hanging around 20 years later with kids of their own, maybe too afraid to leave. It's the ones that can take a joke, and handle the ribbing, that are worth keeping around. So far, the daughter has not brought around any I would deem worthy. Although there was Matt, one of my scouts and part time sons, but Anna thought that would be like dating her own brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misfish Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 This was my favorite Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirCranksalot Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=uncle+buck+axe&docid=4591712134234653&mid=3B5935D95C4CAEE6D2733B5935D95C4CAEE6D273&view=detail&FORM=VIRE3#view=detail&mid=3B5935D95C4CAEE6D2733B5935D95C4CAEE6D273 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motorhead Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I know my daughter can take care of herself.... The only thing I tell any future boyfriend is " You make her cry and I find out about it and I'll make you cry" So far so good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misfish Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 I know my daughter can take care of herself.... The only thing I tell any future boyfriend is " You make her cry and I find out about it and I'll make you cry" So far so good My/our,sister,the youngest of all,needed not to worry. The name/reputation of the 3 brothers,made it easy. She found her man. And a good man he is. He races cars on the oval track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handlebarz Posted January 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 LOL glad to see we think alike. Brian I like that song a lot but ever since Jade was born I told the wife I was going to buy a gun so I can clean it when she brings boys over then 6 years later I heard that song I knew it was meant to be LOL So I posted the link to facebook last night I guess jade was not impressed as she was pouting so much over it I felt bad so I untagged her but left the video up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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